Friday, December 23, 2011

My Very Own Labor Story

Before you ask, I think it's clear by now that I had Emily :) Everyone has a labor story and I've been told that no two labors are identical. I'm thrilled that now I have my own.

I tried to get to bed a little earlier on Monday night around 8:00pm. It took a while to go to sleep because I knew that, by that time the following night, Emily would most likely be there with me. I woke up around 11:00pm to get one last snack before I had to fast.
Around 2:45am, I woke up feeling a little sick. My alarm was set to go off at 3:00am so I just decided to get up and hop in the shower. Eric came upstairs and saw me vomiting out of the shower into a trash can I was holding and I saw his face sink. He told me to call the doctor and was very worried I just got the stomach bug that he had on Sunday. I called the hospital and told them what was going on and they said to still come in for the induction and they would check on Emily then. I threw up again before leaving the house.

Eric got everything in the car (including a "barf bucket") and we left for the hospital a few minutes after 4:00am. I was doing pretty well for the car ride and then, we got to Huachuca City and I vomited again. We had to pull over because I was having a hard time throwing up in the way I was sitting in the car and then, the Sheriff's car pulled up behind us. Eric explained that we were headed to the hospital and I was pregnant. The Sheriff offered to escort us but we told him that it was okay.

We got to the hospital and saw Katie and Jonny at registration (who ended up being right across from our room). Once we were checked in, I got to the room and got hooked up to monitors. I'm so thrilled that my nurse was Ashley's mom - she made the whole day much better than I anticipated. They kept trying to get a longer time of monitoring for Emily but I was vomiting every 20 minutes or so and Jen had to readjust my monitors each time. When Dr. Van Oosten came in, they got me setup on an internal monitor, checked my progress, and had me reposition (which was about every 30 minutes for the rest of the day). I stopped vomiting around 9:00am (or shortly after) and I think it was just the anxiety of it all. Jen said that it was likely that I was going to go into labor on my own within the next couple days and nausea may have just been my first indication. My contractions started to get uncomfortable but I opted for IV pain medication instead of an epidural to see if I could handle labor like that instead.

Long story a little shorter - I ended up stalling at 5.5cm (4cm according to Dr. Van Oosten) and around 4:00pm, Dr. Van Oosten decided that we should do a C-section. I think at that point, I kind of figured that I wasn't going to deliver vaginally and I was actually a little relieved. I was relieved because I knew that the hard part of my labor was over and I knew a definite end and that I would see her soon. Still I was a little disappointed because I hadn't had to get an epidural and that I knew a C-section meant surgery. That didn't stop me from humming down the hallway, "I'm gonna have my baby, I'm gonna have my baby!"

I got the epidural (and would NOT see that needle if I wanted to). Eric had to stay outside while that happened, which I later found out was the most stressful moment for him was waiting. My mom wasn't allowed in the OR at all but a very wonderful nurse named Casey let my mom hang out so she could see Emily too. They strapped me down on the table and Eric was finally allowed to come in. I didn't want to think about what graphic things were happening behind that sheet so I kept asking Eric questions to have him talk to me. Then, all of a sudden, I started being moved from side to side. Eric said it was them trying to get Emily out.

Dr. Van Oosten finally got my HUGE baby out and asked Eric, "Is this yours?" Eric said she was all blue and that they had to suction out her nose and stuff before she breathed and all the color came into her face. She scored a 9 out of 10 for her final APGAR score :) Eric showed me her and I got teary. Eric took her away to bathe her and they stitched me up. I tried to tell them that they could do a tummy-tuck if they wanted, since they were in there anyway. They told me not to get greedy because I just lost 10lbs with Emily and 7 more with the rest that they were taking out.

After I was stapled up, they brought me back to the room and I couldn't stop talking. I think it was partially the drugs and partially because I wanted my girl back. Finally, Eric brought her in and I got to hold my new daughter. Let me tell you - better than I ever imagined. I had a lot of visitors in my recovery time, which I was a little upset about because I wanted that 2-hour recovery time with just my mom and Eric. She was born at 5:10pm and, while I appreciate people stopped by, it was a little distracting when I was trying to learn to breastfeed and spend time with my barely-an-hour-old daughter. If I could go back and re-do it, that door would have been locked.

There it is - I survived labor. I'll do another update with the last couple weeks of our little family but I started this one on 12/23 so I figured I'd finish it.

I'm headed to bed now - my beautiful girl is BIG on mornings.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Induction, licenses, and instincts, OH MY!

This will probably be my last entry before I have Emily.

I had my doctor's appointment today. My doctor said I'm close to 2cm and I've made progress on my effacement. He scheduled me to be induced tomorrow morning at Oh-dark-thirty. I mean, 5:00am. Which means I need to leave my house between 4:00am and 4:15am because he said that if I'm not there in time, they will cancel the induction. This means I'll need to be up no later than 3:15am (Or by 3:00am, if I plan to dry my hair and not just put it in a ponytail).

So, when I get there, I'll have the rest of my registration papers signed, get setup in my room, and wait. I discussed my pain management options with my doctor and I would really like to try other things before my epidural. But I certainly won't turn it down if I feel I am ready. :)

I'm a bit nervous about tomorrow. Like I've said before, I'm not so much nervous about the labor; I'm nervous about staying at the hospital for the first time and all the tubes and needles and blood. And to be honest, I'm getting a little anxious about Emily being here. She's just this little, defenseless, completely dependant person and it's my job to nurture and care for her. I know I will lose countless hours of sleep over wanting to provide everything I can for her.

I think that every parent should have to get a Parent License before being allowed to procreate. In the test, you would have to study up and learn all the facts and take a written exam. On this exam, you must get 100% or else you have to study up another 6 months and test later. There's no "try 3 times and figure it out by process of elimination;" you would have to fill-in all the answers. Then, once you pass, you are closely monitored by another parent as you "test drive" caring for an infant. Once you feel you are ready for this, someone from Child Services would put a spy cam in your house and if you pass, you get a parent license and can procreate.

I'm thinking about all the things I know right now and how few those things are in comparison to what I will learn. I mean, I know I don't even know close to everything I need to know about caring for Emily. And I'm sure there's no way to really prepare for all the changes I'm going to have or all the new things I'll need to know. But at least with the Parent License, I would know what I need to know.

I'm hoping that it's true what people say about it all coming naturally. And I'm sure it's natural that I feel nervous about a lot of these things, because so many people are. And I even know that once she's here, my maternal instincts will kick in and I will be the best mother I can be. But even though I know all of these things, I still need to believe them.

This is why I'm sure Friday will be the scariest and hardest and best day of my life - the first day that I have my baby girl in my house with no one to tell me I'm doing it right or wrong but her. And in the whole scheme of things, she's the most important opinion and evidence that I'm doing okay. Not anyone else.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

It's my birthday!

I'm old today. Yep. I've now been alive for 24 years. That's almost a quarter of a century.

For the record, Emily's still being shy and so I'm still pregnant. My mom said that I'm trying to copy her by being 24 and trying to have Emily on December 18th. I don't think she'll be born today though. I think I've had a hunch the whole time that she won't be born on my birthday. Tomorrow? Maybe. But not today.

I think I did have my first real contraction this morning but now, I need to see if they're consistent. I think I've been making progress on the Braxton Hicks - On Friday, I was having them every 6 hours; now, it's every 4. Today was the first time the intensity increased. I'm hoping that means I'll have one that is stronger or similar by around 1:15pm.

Eric has been working like crazy and called in this morning because I think his immune system just said, "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! GIVE ME REAL FOOD AND WATER! TROOPS - REBEL!!" So he's feeling all crappy. He's finally asleep now, which is the longest he has slept since 5:00am. I was going to cancel having my family over for my birthday dinner but after talking with my mom, they are going to come over and we'll have cake and ice cream and Eric is hoping he feels a little better before. If not, he's going to rest upstairs.

The only reason I decided to go ahead and do this with my family is because, if I don't do it today, I don't think it will happen. Tomorrow, I have a doctor's appointment. Tuesday, I'll probably be induced (unless she comes on her own). Then, by the end of the day Tuesday, I'll have her, stay at the hospital for a day or two, come home, recuperate, and have Christmas. If I don't do something today, my birthday will probably be passed by and I know it's childish and immature but I want my birthday to matter still. Especially today.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

As Fast as She Can

Yep, still pregnant.

I'm trying to see the bright side to all of this and it's coming easier than I thought:

- I get to spend more time being able to have Emily as a part of me. I won't get this opportunity ever again with her and until she comes out, I get to value the kicks and stretches and rolls that are her body in mine.
- I don't have to go through labor pains yet. I currently have the luxury of being in no pain right now. Can't beat that!
- I have been home for my Christmas presents. I haven't missed any deliveries and all of my Christmas shopping is already complete! 9 days earlier than normal!
- Most of all, I have been able to sleep. I know I won't get a lot of this for much longer, but I was able to sleep until 11am, with a few interruptions of bathroom trips, last morning. I passed out at 10:30am. I know I can't really get used to it but I choose to see it as a blessing that I've had 12 hours of sleep for the last couple nights.

I've been keeping myself busy. I had a few big Braxton Hicks contractions today but they were about 6 hours apart. Which means my next one is at least an hour away :) Either way, I know she will be here soon. My mom is convinced that we're going to the hospital tonight but that's up to God and I'm not worried right now.

I've been putting off plans and doing ANYTHING because I'm so convinced that I will be in labor any second (which I guess realistically is true). I can't keep doing that. No matter what happens, at the very latest, I'll meet her by Tuesday night or Wednesday morning. So I'm watching a movie like I'll get to finish it. I'm planning to have a friend over tomorrow night like I won't be at the hospital. And I'm relaxing like I will get to go to sleep another 8-12 hours.

I won't keep trying to rush her out - I know she's coming as fast as she can.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Dear Emily

Dear Emily,

Today was supposed to be your due date but we're 24 minutes away from midnight so I don't think you're coming tonight. My family all bet on your due date and no one bet on December 14th so you will probably come that day. That's okay - I will just take it to mean that you really enjoy spending time with me all of the time. Keep this in mind - I'm a lot prettier on the outside and we can do way more fun stuff when you get here, rather than if you just try to stay in there forever. It's a little colder out here but everyone has bought you so many clothes that you won't have to worry about that either.

I really want to meet you. I wonder what color your eyes will be, if you'll have hair, how long your fingernails are. I wonder what your daddy will say when he sees you. If he cries, he's not sad or mad - he's just overwhelmed. If I cry, it's probably from being overwhelmed with emotion and exhaustion. I definitely want to spend time with you but I don't know how much energy it will take to get you here so I'm sorry if I sleep a lot. I'll try to sleep when you do because I don't want to spend a lot of time away from you right now.

Do you know how excited everyone is that you are almost here? Everyone wants to hold you and kiss you and see you. I'll promise you right now - you will never run out of love to receive because I know that when I meet you, I won't be able to ever stop loving you.

Right now, you don't have any brothers or sisters but you might in a few years. Right now, I want to enjoy the time that it's just you, me, and Daddy. When we do have some siblings for you, just remember - we loved you first :)

Your grandma (my mom) is very excited to meet you. She said you can call her whatever you want (or can pronounce) but I think she's going to teach you to call her "My Favorite." It's hard to pronouce but she's going to work with you on that. Just remember - I'm your mommy and even if Grandma/My Favorite lets you color on the walls, you don't get to at home. Unless we buy washable crayons and Daddy doesn't catch us.

Another thing - I know it's going to be frustrating for both of us before you learn to talk but if I can be patient with you, I hope you can be patient with me. I know that you don't really have a concept of patience yet but I'm hoping we can find a way to communicate.

Overall, I can't wait to meet you. Even as I'm typing this, you're kicking and jabbing. You're going to be such a strong, smart, beautiful girl and no matter how long it takes you to get here, I'm just glad you're on your way.

My friend Carmen said that God is never too early or too late; He's always on time. I know He knos when you will be here and I guess that is all I know. Hopefully, He sent you a memo because it would be awful if you were late to your first event ever. I sent you an eviction notice but I guess my date wasn't the same as His.

Either way, I love you. I can't wait to hold you. Please get some sleep before the big day - I know I am.

Love you,
Mommy


Happy birthday? Or not...

I don't think Emily knows that it's supposed to be her birthday today.

Just so everyone is updated, I'm having (what I think are) mild contractions but they are not regular or consistent yet so I'm still home. I really hope to get this show on the road soon. It's not that I'm sick of being pregnant - I LOVE BEING PREGNANT! - but I am ready to meet my little girl.

It's the perfect day today - my house is being filled with the smell of laundry detergent, it's raining, and I started my day with an apple :)

Unfortunately, there are not-so-perfect happenings, like Eric's work schedule. He got home around 6:45am and told me that he has to be back at work by 3pm. It sucks because today, tomorrow, and Wednesday are supposed to be his days off. I just want a day home with him alone before Emily is here -  I know I'll miss our lazy days when Emily is here. We'll find a way to have them, though. Emily will just become part of the tradition! We got a couple hours of just-us time yesterday, curled up on the couch and watching SNL and The Office.

Luckily, his scheduled should be Monday - Friday soon. I'm looking forward to that and I'm sure he is too. I'm hoping that starts within this next week since my birthday is Sunday and so far, we are waiting to see when Emily is born to determine when we can do something. If she's born before my birthday, we'll probably have my parents over for dinner on Saturday or Sunday. I was going to suggest going out for dinner but I don't think I could leave Emily so quickly. I could teach him how to make tortellini or ask my mom to teach him :) If I'm still pregnant on my birthday (which means I would be induced the next day), I would probably rather sleep. But we could celebrate in the middle of the week or something with my parents and enjoy it together alone on Sunday or Saturday. I just wouldn't want to eat anything heavy right before she gets here and this girl needs birthday cake! Should I make it simple and ask for cupcakes? :) Or breakfast for dinner? Like pancakes?

There's so much happening for the next few weeks - Emily will be born. I'll turn 24. Christmas will happen. My mom's birthday will follow on January 2nd. These next few weeks will be crazy, but I'm so thrilled for all of it.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Bouncing from Subject to Subject...

I can't believe my due date is tomorrow. Even if she's not born tomorrow, I'm still in shock that my pregnancy is almost over. I feel like it's just flown by, even though it's been over nine months.

I think I'm ready for her to be here, to-do listwise. My Christmas shopping is done (except for 2 stocking stuffers which I'm picking up today). Her room is ready, including my glider. Her stuff has all been washed, folded, and put away. Her swing gets here on Wednesday.

Basically, all the "stuff" is done.

But now, I'm wondering, am I really ready for this? I mean, it's not like I have a choice because she'll be here. And I'm so ready to hold her in my arms. But am I ready?

Two nights ago, I had dreams I forgot her somewhere - one time at my Mom's house, the other in a library. I know this won't happen because Emily and I are going to stay home for a couple of weeks at least so we can get used to this huge change for us both. Plus, I don't go to the library and I'm pretty sure it's more likely that Mom would try to keep her there longer rather than me forgetting to take her home.

(On a side note, I had a talk with my mom about the perks of grandparenting. I'm thinking, next blog?)

Oh, I forgot to mention my OBGYN appointment! So I had my appointment on Thursday. I was totally nervous because I've heard from everyone who has mentioned it that checking for dialation hurts bad. I found out - apparently, I'm not everyone lol. He checked me, it took maybe 30 seconds or so. He said I was more than 1cm dialated and 50% effaced. He said he thinks he'll see me before my next weekly appointment (which is Wednesday). If I do make it to my next appointment and I've made no progress, he will schedule me to be induced on December 19th (the day after my birthday). I hope she's born before that.

I know I've been saying all this time how cool it would be to have her born on my birthday (and I still think it would be cool) but I realized a few days ago that it would really only be cool for me. So I hope we don't have the same birthday.

My last day of work was Tuesday. It's been nice to just be home and get ready this week, even though I still went to town every day but Saturday :)

I better go - gotta get to church!

Monday, December 5, 2011

Almost there!


39 weeks. I have been pregnant for 39 weeks. I'm a little shocked that the time has passed so quickly for me. I think I knew it was going by, but I didn't stop to think about the timeframe. If she's on time, this means I will hold my daughter in a week.

I have had a very up-and-down nesting thing going on. I've been told it's pretty typical for it to be like that but come on! I got up on Saturday morning and kind of lounged for a little while with my cereal. Then, I went upstairs and suddenly because a power-cleaner/unpacker! For a good 2-3 hours! Then, lull in cleaning. Then another crazy 2 hours! On the upside, the upstairs is now totally unpacked. All that I need to finish Emily's nursery is to vacuum (which Eric said he'll do) and put in my glider rocking chair (which arrives from Amazon by Thursday). I put those plastic safety covers on all of the outlets in her room and Eric reminded me that she can't really mess with those yet. I told him that she might if she's an overachiever! I'll probably go ahead and sanitize all the pacifiers and stuff this week, since my last day of work is tomorrow.

Yep, my last day is tomorrow. It's kind of bittersweet but I'm thrilled I get to stay home with Emily. I know I will never get another chance for those moments and I don't want to miss it!

I've been baking (hello, nesting!) for my coworkers this week since I won't be here for the holidays. No complaints so far! :) Tomorrow is my last chance so I'm picking the favorite - CHEESECAKE SQUARES!

Wow, I should nap right now. This is too much energy for a Monday.




Saturday, December 3, 2011

Hormones? Go away!

I keep crying at stupid things!
I'm not sad - I just need to clarify that right away. I keep crying at happy things - songs, movies, whatever. I just watched an episode of How I Met Your Mother on Netflix Instant Play (hello, best friend!) when Ted finally gets a girl at the end of an episode! And I don't mean my eyes got teary - I had real tears come down my face!

A couple of weeks ago, I broke Eric's computer. I take 90% of the blame, but to be fair, he had it sitting above a bowl of water because the vent on the laptop was bad. I don't know what it was, but I freaked out because I knew I would have to tell Eric and I knew he would be upset. I texted him, only to find out that his phone died. Which meant I would have to tell him in person. I don't remember what else happened that night, but it was a Thursday night and I was just upset for some reason.

I woke up the next day and I was running late for work. I realized I would need to bring the computer to town so I was freaking out about the money we'll now have to spend on either fixing his computer or buying a new one. By the time I got to work, I was sick to my stomach and feeling overwhelmed and I decided to take a half-day at work. I cleared it with Bill and he said okay. I went to tell Joanne and I could barely keep it together!
This teary-girl just isn't me!! Why, pregnancy hormones, why?!

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Latest OB Appt

I had a doctor's appointment today. We're doing weekly appointments now.

I gained 2 more pounds. I think that puts my total at 23 or 24 all together. Blood pressure was a tiny bit high, but I know that's because of stress. I talked to the Medical Assistant about the stress I'm having about leaving my job and it was good to have an unbiased ear to listen. I saw the doctor and he says I'm measuring exact and I look like I'm dropping like I'm supposed to. Next week, he's going to measure to see how far I'm dilated.

He told me something really perfect today. He told me not to listen to what my friends say or to anyone's horror stories because I've been doing great. He said to keep doing what I'm doing because my body will tell me what I need, not my friends. I asked about eating light the week before I'm due - he said that I shouldn't worry and not to change what I'm doing.

I see them again next Wednesday. I think I shall get a pedicure that day. A professional one! I think I deserve some pampering before Emily gets here!

Twelve Days and Counting....

I have to admit, I'm getting a little nervous about Emily getting here.

I've been getting everything taken care of. I have almost everything done - her car seat will be installed and inspected by the fire department on Friday. I got new tires for my car and my oil change is tomorrow. Her nursery is ready, except for purchasing my rocking chair. All of her clothes are washed and either hung up or put away, except for the outfit I just got her. I have at least 250 diapers in newborn and size 1. I prepared 4 9x13 pans of meals for the freezer, plus I have 1 more to make and I still am making frozen Cordon Bleu AND I bought several things of frozen cuts of meat to throw in the slower cooker - that comes out to about 3 weeks of dinners. I'm getting my Christmas shopping online...

You get it - I'm trying to get everything ready so that, after my last day of work this coming Tuesday, I can relax and get mentally prepared for labor.

Today, I realized something - I've been preparing for labor, for dressing her, for taking care of her, for taking care of me, but it all became so tangibly real today.

I'm about to be a mother. A parent. I know those phrases probably mean nothing position-wise to someone who is just a son or daughter because, for your whole life, you're someone's child. That's who you are for your entire existence and there's never any question about that. I'm lucky - I have both of my parents, alive and healthy, have been married for 27 years this past June. They've taken care of me in one way or another my whole life and I have never doubted that. I knew that I would never go hungry in their house and money was never something I thought about until I got my own job. I have been very blessed in having amazing parents.

Now, I'm going to be a parent and I can only pray and try to be half as good of a parent as I've had. Not only will I be a parent - I'm about to be someone's lifeline. In about 12 days, I'm going to give birth (which is easily the most sci-fi thing to happen in real life and the closest I will ever come to understanding creation) and this defenseless, fresh person will have life because of Eric and I. I don't even know what emotions I'll feel but I know love will be one. Even knowing that, I don't think I can fathom the love I'll feel for her  - I'm told it's unlike anything in the world.

Logically, I've known all this is going to happen. I guess, tonight, I realized that my life is never going to be the same again. There's no backing out or giving up if it's tough - I'm going to be Emily's mommy. I don't even really comprehend fully what that means yet; all I know is that I cannot wait to hold her close and hear her tiny little voice cry, knowing that Eric and I made this little person and God's in total control.

I wish I could articulate this better.

My Mom, the giver

For those of you who have not had the pleasure of meeting my mom, this blog may be the only time you get close to "meeting" her, since I frequently blog about moments with my mom. Specifically, I have blogged recently about her sense of humor in regards to comparing my feet to particular small, processed meat. (If you didn't read that blog, please click here before going any further.)

I'm pretty sure one of my mom's primary love languages is Giving Gifts and she does this VERY well. Case in point - last year for Christmas, I told her my favorite color is red so she gave me a huge bag with about 20 or so gifts, all RED. There was kitchen stuff, silly string, party streamers, tons of stuff! In short, my mom is very creative and I love that about her.

However, I have learned that she is also very witty and sneaky. She called me up a couple weeks ago and told my voicemail that she had found a gift for me that she wanted to give me after work. I never say no to gifts :) so I told her I would come by after work. I stopped over and she showed me that she had gotten me a few things and gave me the first to open...


She said they reminded her of me. I'm not seeing it...



You may notice that the can is open. That's because my husband ate them. I explained to him when I brought them home that they were meant as a joke but apparently he felt that his hunger was not.

Oh and for the record, I painted those toes myself on Thanksgiving. Yep, at less than 3 weeks from my due date, I gave myself a pedicure. I don't know how it happened, but I achieved it!


Friday, November 25, 2011

Thanksgiving... where did the month go?

Yesterday, we celebrated a holiday that I've been looking forward to for my entire pregnancy: Thanksgiving. :)

For the last few years, we have been getting together with my family for the holiday. We celebrated our first married Thanksgiving with just the two of us but let's face it - there's nothing like Mom's cooking. So instead, we bring over a dessert and a side or two. The dessert I (have been told I must always) make is pecan pie, by instruction of Susan and Eric.

I tried to do a chocolate-swirl cheesecake with chocolate graham cracker crust instead last year...


... but let's just say the troops rebelled...


I made my pecan pie yesterday morning and it turned out beautiful. Consistency, everything! I am ashamed to say I bought a crust but I didn't care....



Well, I let my pie cool for an hour and it came out amazing. I went to go wrap it up and there was a pecan missing out of the top. You can guess who did it...


When my mom asked me what happened, I told her to ask her son-in-law. That man should know better than to mess with my Thanksgiving pie!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Cravings: The Good, the Bad, and the Weird!


When I was first pregnant (before I found out), I craved strawberry milk. Now, I'm craving strawberry-flavored things again. I came across this article which was kind of interesting but it goes back to what I've known: Cravings mean that you're missing something!

For the full article, click here

Why are we craving?
Why ice cream? Why pickles? Well, no one is 100 percent sure, but it turns out your overwhelming urge for Swiss steak might not be so weird after all. “Pregnancy cravings are basically evolutionary,” suggests Dr. Brian Wansink, author of Mindless Eating: Why We Eat More Than We Think. “The reason for a bizarre craving for anchovies or charcoal is because there's something deficient in a woman's system that she needs.” Craving sweet potato fries? Maybe it's your body's cry for potassium or vitamin A. But why do you NEED it to be sweet potato fries? “People tend to crave something that has the highest amount of that stuff [they're lacking]...with something that they can tolerate eating.” In other words, your body's sending signals of what it needs, and your brain/taste buds might spin that into something that you naturally find yummy. And if you're getting a totally balanced diet? According to Dr. Wansink, you probably aren't craving much.

Can this explain your need for chocolate milkshakes? Sure—that's a big helping of calcium. But the midnight run for Fritos is a little tougher to chalk up to nutrients. Julia Hormes, a doctoral candidate at the University of Pennsylvania, studies premenstrual cravings and thinks her findings apply to some pregnancy cravings as well. Her explanation: Some cravings are (dare we say it?) big fat excuses. For example, you want Twinkies because, well, you WANT Twinkies. When you wanted Twinkies before, you might have grabbed a banana and ignored the unhealthy desire for goo and sugar, or even totally denied the fact that you desired them. But now you're pregnant. Your body's going through a lot and -- darn it -- you're going to have a Twinkie if you want one. “I think pregnancy may well be a situation where our culture acknowledges a woman's right to indulge herself. Our culture sort of gives you permission. Women give themselves permission,” she explains. A few Bumpies agree that cravings can go both ways (nutritional and absolutely not):

I haven't craved anything weird. I've mostly allowed myself to indulge in things that I normally don't allow myself to eat and write it off as a craving.”

“[I craved] Hardy's Thickburgers and cheeseburgers in general. I think it was my body's way of demanding that I feed it more iron. Oh yes, and any form of cake. I think that was my body's way of telling me that cake is delicious.”

(Note: If you start craving nonfood stuff like dirt, charcoal, clay or laundry starch, don't eat it! This is a disorder called pica, which some scientists think may be related to iron deficiency or other dietary needs. Resist the urge and call your doctor ASAP—they should be able to help you stick to eating real food.)

Aches and Pains... aren't that bad!

We have just entered a time of back-aches. Not even the memory foam on the bed works. I asked some friends on Facebook for tips on easing the backpain. The answer I received?

"Ah, at this point, it will ache all the time."

Great...

On another note, I had my OB appointment yesterday. The medical assistant takes me back, weighs me (I'm right on track for gain), gets Emily's heartbeat on the Doppler (132 bpm), and so I get up. Then, I am informed that I'm having my group B strep test (click the link if you want to know) this week instead of week 36 (next week). Surprise!

Now, my wonderful coworker has freaked me out for everything from painful pelvic exams to my bellybutton never going back in (which it hasn't come out yet) and so I got all worried. But it's painless. Just not comfortable to have to lay on my back :( All that anticipation for nothing! I told her that she can continue to freak me out so nothing is as bad as it is portrayed to be. I'm hoping this psychological trick helps me in labor...

But I'm going to take a wild guess and say it'll hurt either way.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

My Husband is such a gem, and so is my mom.

This weekend has been hectic.

We moved over all the rest of our stuff to the new house. We had a cleaning crew come through the old house in hopes of getting at least half of our deposit. All of the utitlities are off in the old house. I've started unpacking and I realized I'm going to need to do some organizing if I want to get my stuff put away. I have made an "unpacking plan" which I have titled "Mission: Move-In." It's got a contents page, and is currently 11 notebook pages.

Either way, on Monday night, I felt like I'd pulled a leg muscle and asked Eric to massage my leg. Since he's a good guy, he was very nice and massaged my leg for me and then says to me that my toes look... "not fat, because that's not the right word."

"Swollen, you mean?" I asked.

"Yes, swollen," he replied.

Thank you, Eric, for your wonderful choice of words.

For the record, the last two days, I've been staring at my toes. Maybe they've always been sausage-like and I've never noticed. Maybe they are swollen and I need to hydrate better and put my feet up. Since this concerned me, I called someone that's known me from birth - my mom.

"Have my toes always looked like sausages?" I texted her. After about 2 minutes, she texted me back.

"Vienna sausages."

Thanks, Mom.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

First Christmas for Emily is coming!

I think that I'm finally getting the mindset like I feel I should have to be a mom of a little one: wanting to do what's best for my daughter, avoiding planning things without knowing her schedule, starting to feel more protective. But then, I had a realization - I get to start Christmas shopping for her!

I know that she'll just be an infant and not doing a whole lot other than eating, pooping, and sleeping for the first few weeks (okay, a month or two) but I want to get her things to entertain her. I've found toys for newborn, 3 months and up, 6 months and up, and 9 months and up. There's a few of each and I started to recall how my baby picture at one week old was me in the middle of all of these Christmas gifts.

The thought just came to mind:

How will she open them?

I mean, I could open them for her but it kind of defeats the purpose of wrapping them. I could just put bows on them but that's stupid. I almost feel bad to open them for her! Those are HERS!

How did all of you do your baby's first Christmas or how are you planning to? Comment on here or send me a message.

What it was supposed to be

When I started this blog, I wanted it to be all about the baby and my pregnancy and for that to be the primary focus. I started to feel bad because it wasn't just about that - I started making this about my family, friends, my issues, my victories, my life! And I guess that's okay because I have found it easier to do things while I've been writing this.

It's easier to allow myself to worry and be reassured. It's easier to stand strong in my faith because I need to. It's easier to rely on God because the more insignificant I feel when I write these, the more God puts readers in my way to give me confidence. It's more real that Emily is coming because, since I started this blog in June, so much has happened.

I really hope I'm able to access this website in a few years. I also hope that I'm able to keep it up because I want to have Emily eventually see how I really feel and have felt.

This morning would be a stressful morning, because my initial reaction to situations is to worry and to try and handle it myself. But this morning, I read my own blog on the worry I felt before and I was reassured. I realize that it doesn't just apply to the diabetes that I could have easily had but it applies to all of my worries.

I can't change a thing by worrying, doubting, and ignoring what's happening. This morning, Satan is trying to get to me and Eric and I just refuse to let him.

GET BEHIND ME SATAN! YOU ARE A STUMBLING BLOCK TO ME AND DO NOT HAVE IN MIND THE THINGS OF GOD, BUT THE THINGS OF MAN!

Who says it better than Jesus?

I believe that God's already taken care of the situation.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

What a week!

This past week has been very busy for me.

For starters, I've been packing our house. We're moving and Eric's on overnights without a day off until this past Wednesday so I did it all on my own. Man, that was a lot, especially considering I have less than 7 weeks to go now! I didn't do any heavy lifting on my own except one box and that was only because I was running out of room.

Thursday was my last birthing class. I hope I learned enough to calm my child. Or maybe she will be calm either way. I pray that I am that lucky :)

On Friday, I had my doctor's appointment. He said I "looked a little small" (which I've never been told in my life so I was not arguing!) but everything measured right and everything looked perfect to him! That was great to hear, especially after my last appointment. My next appointment won't be for 2 more weeks.

On Friday night, we had our 5-year anniversary for the office. I got a cute, black dress that I can wear again after Emily is born. It was fun but I was on my feet the whole time so I only stayed until about 6:30pm (started about 5pm).

Saturday was my AMAZING baby shower. I had such a good time, all thanks to my mom and Susan. They made some amazing food and everyone just gave me so many things from my registry. One of my coworkers even got the car seat I registered for, which I definitely did not expect - I only put it on there to get the discount later! Everyone was so great and I had a great time and having the party makes me miss my mom's parties :) After the shower, I met up with Stephanie for dinner and we didn't leave the restaurant until almost 10pm. When I finally got home, I packed until probably midnight.

On Sunday, we visited Eric's parents since they are moving to Virginia. They left early yesterday morning. They are such a huge blessing to us, even more so since they are letting us live in their house rent-free (we only have to pay utilities) and they left it almost fully furnished! When I got home, it was about 7pm and I got right back to packing. I stopped for a little bit at 10pm but I coudn't stand that it wasn't done so I finished (I thought) at 12:30am and went to bed.

Yesterday was Eric's first day off without commitments so we decided just to relax. I fell asleep on the couch twice (8:30pm, woke up at 10pm, fell back asleep at 10:30pm, woke up again at 1:30am) and when I woke up, I put away laundry and tried to get some stuff done but Eric sent me to bed. I woke up again at around 4am feeling horribly sore and my back and the front of my belly hurt. Took two Tylenol, some water, switched positions a few times and was able to fall back asleep in about 30 minutes.

I can't believe that I have just a few days more than 6 weeks to go. I think at this point, I'm not really scared or worried. I just want to have her here with me.

Monday, October 17, 2011

RESULTS!

I DO NOT HAVE GESTATIONAL DIABETES!!

I called about my test results and they said everything came back okay. I went and had them make me a copy so I can be all excited.

I knew my God would come through.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Moving, not shaking!

I'm having a pretty good weekend.

Accomplishment #1:
Went grocery shopping for the next two weeks and resisted buying the baby stuff I registered for.
To be fair, I only have a couple of things on my registry. Mostly bath stuff. But I have been firmly instructed to NOT buy anymore baby stuff until after my baby shower next weekend.

Accomplishment #2:
Learned to swaddle a baby a.k.a. made a baby burrito.
I had my second-to-last birthing class this week, "Happiest Baby on the Block." I learned how to soothe a colicky baby using the 5 S's (Swaddle, Side/Stomach, "Shh" i.e. white noise, Swinging, and Sucking), how to determine if it is actually colic, how to properly swaddle a baby, and a few other things. I also learned some interesting facts, like the fact that the baby recognizes the mother instantly and that talking to the baby while in the womb will make it so within 5 MINUTES of the baby being born, she will recognize those voices. How cool is that?

Accomplishment #3:
Began packing the house.
I'm working on this as we speak. I have the whole house to packing and we start moving boxes next Tuesday, I believe. I spread out the packing over the next week. But there's a lot to do.

On a side note, I just found out that one of my friends is also pregnant! My friend Sarah L. just found out that she is pregnant with her first child with her husband Shane. BIG CONGRATULATIONS!!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Don't you believe in God?

I realize now that I'm overly frustrated about that exam. About the 1-hour glucose results, about my doctor's appointment, everything! Over the weekend, I worried and stressed over the outcome of the 3-hour glucose test that I haven't even taken yet! So, I made a decision on Friday - I'm cutting out the fast food, the frequent carb-overloaded nights. I need to be healthy because I want a good score on my test (which I'm doing tomorrow). I started doing the same thing I did when I had to take the 3-hour during my 1st trimester (they tested me early due to my weight) - Worrying. Panicking. Rationalizing that it's not really me. Trying to figure out the millions of reasons why my blood sugar was high. Thinking I can fix this on my own. Researching gestational diabetes to the point of obsession and freaking out because I can't give myself a shot since I can't even look when I receive one!

So I vented to my mom. She asked me why I was worrying about everything if I believe in God's healing and timing and that everything is in His control (not exact words, but it's the jist). And then I thought to myself,

Yeah, Krystle. Why worry?

There's a Bible event in Matthew about Jesus walking on water and Peter sees him. Peter says to Jesus, if it's really Him, to tell him to come onto the water. Jesus tells him to come and Peter TRUSTS JESUS and walks out on the water. But as soon as a little bit of wind comes, Peter freaks out, starts to sink and cries out for Jesus' help. And the best thing about this is, even though Peter worries when he doesn't need to and loses faith and focus for a moment, JESUS reacts like this:

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
- Matthew 14:31

Now, what I love about this is not only did Jesus catch Peter and save him in spite of the doubt in his heart; Jesus IMMEDIATELY reached out his hand and caught him.

I had to look up some other verses on what this worry was doing to me:

Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are
- Matthew 6:27-29

Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.
- Proverbs 12:25

So, I've been eating right. I'm been being careful of what I put in my body and my mind and my heart. I'm trusting God that He's taking care of me and Emily no matter what. My God is bigger than this blood test. :)

Monday, October 10, 2011

Belly Progression through 10/5/11

Still a girl!

So Emily refused to face the camera so we ended up with a side-view. That shouldn't really surprise me considering that I never take a picture head-on :)

Everything on the ultrasound that the technician could tell me without giving actual results is normal. She's still head-down, her heartbeat is normal. I was watching when the sizes were automatically generating the weeks and such but I think everything came out to between 31 and 32 weeks. "Large for date," yeah right. I'm sure everything will be perfect and I've just gotta be smart about what I'm eating now.

I'm probably going to do my glucose test on Friday. I'm putting my faith in God and going to do what I can on my part to ensure that gestational diabetes continues to be a non-issue.

Oh, and she's still a girl.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Getting bigger is no bueno!

I had my doctor's appointment yesterday and my doctor had some concerns.

First of all, my 1-hour glucose came back high (again) @ 189 so I have to take the 3-hour test again. I'm believing in my faithful God. However, I'm also remembering that this is just another reminder that what I take in, so does Emily. For the rest of my pregnancy, I'm going to be very limited in my "treat" intake. I'm now seeing the doctor every 2 weeks so I have to get it done soon. I'll probably get it on Friday next week.

He said that I gained too much weight since my last appointment (10lbs). Which is a little bit unfair because he said I could gain a pound a week and I gained 1 extra and he was really concerned about it. He measured me and said I'm measuring "large for date" (no kidding, I started out large!) and so I have to have another ultrasound. I thought I was fine for being SEVEN MONTHS PREGNANT but he said that I realistically can't gain more than 8 more pounds during my pregnancy and I have 9 weeks to go. I'm fine with having another ultrasound - she'll actually look like a baby now!!

My doctor thinks that all of those factors may be gestational diabetes  BUT my God is bigger, better, and more powerful than those test results. I was so excited about God taking care of us so I can't let a paper with a number on it change that. I have to keep my faith.

Her heartbeat was a nice, solid 141 bpm. She's a healthy kid, but I know she won't be skinny. I've looked in the mirror before! lol

Oh, and we learned about breastfeeding in our birthing class this past Thursday - positioning, holding, etc. Eric was there and I was happy about that. However, I will eternally be scarred by the video of how far your breasts really go during breastfeeding. lol.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

I'm so sorry I've been gone!

I know my blog had a little vacation for the last month and it's been a weird one.

Right now, I'm starting my 31st week which means we are now in a countdown :) My mom has put together a calendar for bets of when she will be born to spice it up a bit. Maybe we will use it at my baby shower? Who knows? :) Now that I'm in week 31, I finally am looking the part. It's kind of funny - I've spent the whole pregnancy WISHING I looked 7 months pregnant but I never thought about the FEELING 7 months pregnant. I hope this doesn't sound like I'm milking it or anything, but sitting up? Not as easy as before! She's not really high in my ribcage though so I can breathe nicely (unlike some of the other pregos I know). However, I think she likes to head-butt my bladder because almost every time I stand up or someone pokes my belly (thanks, Mom), I have to pee. I'm getting tired again (which I was expecting) and realizing I would like to be at home more.

I don't think that becomig a homebody is a side effect of the last trimester, but I certainly prefer it. I'll probably prefer it more when Emily is here.

What else have I done? Oh! I started attending a birthing class a few weeks ago. Mom went with me to the first one since Eric was still in training. She got upset that, when we were introducing ourselves, I didn't say I'm married. So, to make sure people knew this, her subconcious slipped it in during our hospital tour. Overall, the class has been really helpful in understanding what my body will go through. Eric was there the second week where they showed a birth and then the afterbirth. Poor man - I've never seen a more horrified look on his face than when the placenta came out. The teacher commmented on what a beautiful and healthy placenta it was. Eric replied, "There is nothing beautiful about that!" (He was really grossed out, to say the least. Then again, the placenta looked like an alien stomach, so there's not a lot of room for "pretty.") We also have a booklet for the class. That reminds me - it's a Sara Lee bagel, by the way. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, click here.) Eric wasn't at the third class but we watched a Cesarean birth in animation. All I will say about that at the moment is, I will avoid that at all costs.

I have to take my 1-hour glucose again since I'm past 28 weeks. I'm taking it Tuesday and my next OB appointment is Friday. At my last appointment, I was told to gain a pound a week but I think I went over by 2 or 3 pounds on my anniversary weekend.

I have to go right now but I'll post belly picture later.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Do I stay or do I go?

I had a talk with my human resources guy at my work and explained to him that I want to be a stay-at-home mom. I let him know it has nothing to do with my work because I love my job; it's just what I need to do. Eric and I figured out our finances in such a way that we can deal with having just his income.

In effort to have some spending money sometimes, I requested one favor: I asked if I could be on staff as an intermittent fill-in for when a member of the front office (reception, billing, insurance) takes a day off. This enables us to have sporadic spending money.

So it looks like I get to be a stay at home mommy that works a day or two a month :)

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Dream a little dream for me

So, the dreams get weirder.

Sunday Night:
I dreamt that Emily was born and I took her home from the hospital but she was super tiny. Like 10 inches big. And she projectile pooped on me.

Monday Night: I dreamt that Melanie and I were with Susan. There was some game being played and Susan had something stab her in the shoulder. Melanie and I grabbed Susan and rushed to my car to get her to the ER. We realized that we forgot to call my parents when we got there and my parents weren't panicking at all when we called. They asked if we were joking.

I've learned to stop questioning things that aren't harmful to my health now. :)

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I NEED TOPIC IDEAS!

I was going to have a doctor's appointment tomorrow but, because of my changing insurance situation, they said I can wait until Eric's new work insurance kicks in which won't be until October 1st. They said they don't bill out after the initial copay once I've been seeing them for my pregnancy. So I won't even GET a bill from them until after I'm postpartum. That's okay with me; I didn't want to give them money right now anyway. They said we can do a payment plan if I need to at that point. So basically, I won't have any doctor bills until the New Year.

Also, my poor pregnancy hormones (which is really just my justification to throw a tantrum every once in a while and to cry a LOT during any emotional moment in a movie) are going to go nuts now because Eric is leaving for ANOTHER set of training after his current one. The good thing is, he won't miss any OB appointments now! :)

I need to have funnier blogs. I had a couple of hilarious ones last month. I'm slacking!

Possible next entry topics:
- The horrors that I've learned about post-delivery
- New fads for child rearing
- Old traditions for children
- What I didn't expect during pregnancy
- Worries

I'm accepting interesting topic ideas!

Also, because I've been having requests, I decided to post a "progression" picture of my belly.






Monday, August 29, 2011

There's a first time for everything

Emily's been getting a lot more active lately. I told one of my friends that when she's rolling around, it feels like the rumble of a bowling ball. I just finished week 25 of my pregnancy so I was really hoping that Eric would feel her move before he left.

(Just a heads up - my husband found a new job and he's on his second and last round of training for 10 days. He's just come back for 4 and left this morning.)

Last night, we were laying in bed before going to sleep and I felt her rumbling around in there. And luckily, she really wanted her daddy to feel her in there before he went back to training for ten more days and kicked a little "thump" right on his hand. :) It made me really happy to have Eric be the first one to share that. Hopefully, she'll be kicking up a storm by the time he comes home for good...

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Anxiety!

Anxiety: A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

I have an unreasonable anxiety about my water breaking. I was going to use paranoia but that would more be if I was convinced that the act of my water breaking is out to get me. And I thankfully realize, because I read the definition of paranoia and because I researched what actually happens, this is not the case.

For those of you who don't know, your "water breaking" during pregnancy (actually called "rupture of membranes," which just sounds worse) happens when the fluid that surrounds the baby in the amniotic sac begins to leak out of the cervix. Most websites say this seems a lot like wetting your pants. (Oh, joy!)

Now, the reason I say that I have an "unreasonable anxiety" about this happening, is NOT because I'm scared of my water breaking. I'm highly worried about where and when. One fear is that my water will break at church on a Sunday; this is because they have carpets and I don't know how easy it is to get out. Or that my water will break while I'm trying on pants or capris or a skirt that I decide I don't want to buy and then I have to spend money on an item of clothing I hate because I ruined them. Or that I won't know that it happened and Eric and I could be at a nice dinner and then I stand up from a nice seat and my water broke all over it. Or that I'll not notice if my water breaks while on tile and then I slip and get hurt. And there's a million more scenarios.

I don't know if this stuff stains clothing or how to even get it out! I guess I'm worried about damage, stains, and spending more money than I want. And most of all, embarrassment.

(The truth of the matter is that only about 13% of the time will your water break prior to the onset of labor. In fact, more than 75% of the time your water won't break until you're well into labor and more than 9 centimeters dilated, according to this website.)

That being said, I'm also a minority in the fact that I'm classified as obese YET: I do not have gestational diabetes. My child is not currently beyond the weight she should be. My blood pressure is never high at the doctor's office. I'm also a minority in the way that I waited to have sex and I've only ever been with my husband in that way. And I'm not having a child out of wedlock.

I really want to be in the 75% statistic right now for the water though.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Key to my ultrasound report and a change...

I know I gave you guys the whole "She's a Girl!" blog already but I got the report and I wanted you to know my findings :)

So, in case you ever wanted to know WAY too much about Emily and I, here it is:

Fetal lie: the relationship of the long axis of the fetus to the long axis of the mother, which basically is the fancy way of saying the baby's position in your body. My report says that she is "vertex," which means she's in the fetal position.

Placenta: Posterior, no previa - This means that the placenta is towards the back of my uterus and the placenta is attached to the baby correctly.

Placental grade: 0. It's just the rate that the placenta is maturity. Once it's closer to the due date, it should be a grade 3. It measures the calcifications in the placenta.

BPD, 48mm - BPD is the BiParietal Diameter, which is the diameter between the two sides of the head. Right now, that diameter comes out to almost 5 cm (or almost 2 inches), or a little smaller than the width of a full roll of Scotch tape. lol

FHR per minute 139 - her heart rate.

Fetal weight 360 g - she's a little more than 12 oz.

The rest is just bone measurements.

But if you've read this far, you should know... the ultrasound is saying she measures another 2 days older. So, according to the ultrasound, she's now due on 12/9/11. 

Friday, August 5, 2011

Sweet Dreams... or not

So, I read a few months ago that you will start to have more “vivid” dreams while you’re pregnant. While I was a little surprised not to hear of bagels or soda cans or some other food analogy to describe the vivid nature of my subconscious, I was actually excited that I’d have some interesting dreams to go along with this ride. And I have had some sweet ones:

Before I was pregnant, I dreamt of my 4-year old daughter not being able to decide what to wear to go to lunch. This caused Eric to say, “She’s your daughter.” Then, she decided that she wanted to go to the Chinese buffet for lunch, I said that she’s his. (At the time, we were going to the Chinese buffet a lot.)

A month ago, I dreamt my daughter was born early so she could prophesy about the people we will eventually minister with.

Two nights ago, I dreamt of meeting her and she had the cutest nose and perfect ears and she looked up at me. Then, she immediately fell asleep in my arms.

But lately, I’ve had some weird ones:

Two nights ago (separate dream), I dreamt that Denis Leary had become a hobo so I gave him money for a hotel room to clean up.

A couple of weeks ago, I dreamt that I ran all the way across town to go to the Mesquite Tree which turned out to be a fighting ground.

About 3 months ago, I dreamt I was at a party with friends and (long story short) I killed everyone who I thought was a threat to my friend’s newborn that she had just birthed on ecstasy.

I think I need to switch to milk before bedtime.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Today's appointment and concerns

I had my doctor's appointment today and everything is good with Emily :) By the way, that's her name for now until Eric steals it away ;)

Heart rate for her: 140 bpm
My blood pressure: 120/70
Weight gain since my last appointment: 4lbs
Total weight gain: -1lb

My doctor said that I should start gaining a pound a week from now until the end which might be harder said than done. I have really been struggling with how much weight is okay for me and what's permissable for me because of my starting weight. I've always had the mentality that eating healthy results in becoming thinner. I guess if I just focus on getting the nutrients I need, then it doesn't matter how much the scale says. It's just hard for me to feel that it's okay to gain weight because I don't know how much is her and how much is me. Maybe it's good that I'll be careful since it'll keep me from over-doing it. I know that the last few weeks haven't been the best (and I was a little worried that I'd gained 4 pounds) but I just need to be good and eat right - less heavy meals, more protein and vegetables.

Also, I told my doctor about a difficult Monday moment - I went to Ross so I could get Melanie's birthday gift and I was waiting in check out. I started shifting my weight back and forth because I was waiting a while and all of a sudden, I felt dizzy and nauseous and broke out in a cold sweat. I even left my stuff at the counter because I was afraid that I was about to throw up. I hurried to the bathroom - no throwing up. I had a sip of water. I told him that it had been breakfast time since I'd eaten (7:30am) and by the time this happened, it was around one. He told me to make sure I have a snack on me just in case.

Other than those two things, he said everything is normal. Next appointment is in 4 weeks and nothing to get done between the dates.

I asked when my belly will start stretching so Eric and my faithful readers (thanks!) can feel the baby move. He said it should be starting to happen by week 24 (I'm 21 weeks) and I'll start getting bigger soon.

Also, the medical assistant couldn't find the heart beat for her at first but Dr. Van Oosten finally did. He said that to get a a good response from the Doppler, it sometimes has to be right on the baby. Luckily, my little hider is good. :)

Today is good.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Eyes on the Prize

I really want to stay at home with Emily for the first year.

I was talking with my friend Joanne yesterday and she told me, if I really to stay home, I need keep my eyes on the prize. I need to figure out a way to stay at home. Does anyone have ideas, especially my stay-at-home mommies?

With the position that Eric just accepted out of Wal-mart, there's tons of potential for going up in the company. Within 3 years, I probably won't have to make the decision of working or not; just if we want to have another child. But by then, Emily will be almost 3 and I don't want to pay someone else if it's just going to cost my paycheck anyway.

I have had a few ideas rolling around which I'm researching - Find a work from home position (harder than it sounds), work part-time for 20 hours a week, take on a position as a caregiver, and there's a few others. Any help with any of the above ideas would be greatly appreciated. All I really need to make is $800 a month for us to not lose any income, less if Eric makes his bonus each quarter.

Either way, I know I need to do whatever I can to be a great mommy to Emily. Just have to figure out a few kinks in the plan.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Name of the Week and New Outfits

Emily Madison.

Haven't decided on spelling yet or any of that. This is a name I've liked for a while and it keeps going in and out of the name lottery for us. But right now, we like it.

Emily - comes from the Latin Emil, which means "industrious."
Madison - Son of Maud or Matilda, of which Matilda translates to "noble lady."

Also, I went to the Dollar General with Ashley today so we looked at baby clothes. They were only $2.50 each so this will give me a new appreciation of being able to buy baby clothes. I know I have 4 more months ahead of me but I didn't want to delay.


The first two are 0-3 months and the last one is 6-9 months. The last one I had to get and those of you who read my blog know that the Child Formerly Known as Peanut must have this outfit. I don't plan to load up on clothes just yet. But my mom also bought some adorable onesies. Full body, with footies :)

They're just so tiny!!

Friday, July 29, 2011

Name Ideas of the Day

I just realized that I haven't done our last name, a very important factor in this child's name.

Etymology of Morlock:
  • German (Baden and Württemberg): nickname for someone with black hair, from Middle High German mōr ‘Moor’ + Early New High German locke ‘lock (of hair)’.
Now, on to first names:

Etymology of Lila:
  • Derived from the Arabic name "Leila"  The name is derived from the tri-consonantal root: L-Y-L means "Night" and over time has come to mean "Born at Night," "Dark-haired Beauty" or "Dark Beauty." (I guess we can't name her this if she's blond)
Etymology of Lilly:
  • The name in English comes from the flower called lily, a symbol of purity. The Latin origin "Lilium" for the flower.
  • Interesting Krystle fact: my youngest sister, Susan, has "lily" as the translation of her name.
Let me know if anyone has ideas! We're liking really feminine names, apparently.

One of the Girls?

On Wednesday night, I think Eric came to terms with the fact that he'll have a daughter. I know how much he wants a son and I know we'll have one but I'm so happy that we're having our girl first.

He was telling me that he doesn't know what he'll have in common with her, that he doesn't know what girls like. I told him that he'll always know what she likes because he'll always know her. I told him that just because she's a girl doesn't mean that she won't have a variety of interests. She may be the princess who loves tea parties and dress-up and light-up shoes. She may take after her daddy and fall in love with football and baseball (and I don't know how I'll survive). The important thing, I told him, is to expose her to plenty of different interests to give her the chance to decide and not try to get her to conform to what the world thinks she should like.

He started tossing around names and has been since then. Last night, we liked a few.

Lila.
Lily (unless it comes from Lilith).
Penny.

And a couple of others. Must research :)

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Overexposure



Here's my little girl's beautiful face. 

I've been thinking about something in regards to posting "gender" pictures.. Why?

I mean, I understand that everyone wants to see pictures one way or another. But tell me something - why do we feel the need to show off our baby's cash and prizes? I mean, I know I'll eventually sit down with my little girl and explain about morals and what you should and shouldn't do with your body until you're married. But how on earth can I explain why, in the midst of modesty, I posted her goodies all over the internet? She's not even here yet!

For that reason, I'll be posting the other pictures but I'll leave that off of here. The girl is going to go through enough.

I know that not everyone feels the way I do because women post those pictures all the time. And I didn't really have an issue with it until yesterday. I guess I'm just going to be a bit protective.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

My Banana Baby - Boy or Girl

So, we naturally got to the ultrasound early. Sat down in our chairs together and waited. Susan and I were beyond ourselves with excitement just to find out. Eric wasn't as outwardly excited but he normally keeps it cool.

The technician called us in and the three of us filed into the room and I hopped up on the table. This began a 45-minute or so ultrasound. I had ultrasound gel above my bellybutton even. They measured everything - head, heart, veins in the heart, bones, and then he asked the question -

"Do you want to know the sex?"

YES! That's what we came for, isn't it???

So... the technician looked and re-looked several times. The technician told us that he's pretty sure since he checked 10 times and....

It looks like Eric's buying a shotgun to protect his little girl :)

And this is how I know, once again, Pastor Al is always right.

Pre-Ultrasound

Today is the BIG ULTRASOUND day!!!

So, my appointment is in two hours and I can't stop moving. As my friend Alexis put it, I'm going to start "the comedic pacing" soon. I'll be seeing the baby with Susan and Eric. I was told that we'll have about 2-3 different pictures printed out, as long as their clear.

Peanut aka the Banana Baby (that's a whole different blog), please be still enough for us to see if you're a boy or girl. I understand how upset you must be with everyone trying to see you in your room but if you cooperate, it won't take long. Mommy and Daddy and Aunt Susan are really excited to see you and really want to spoil you with clothes and nursery things and swings. But, in order to make everything ready for you, we need to know if we should buy girl or boy things. And if you behave, we will have something tasty and/or healthy (Mommy's choice) together today. Also, it would be nice for Aunt Susan to see you in action, so you only really have to be still for the part when we see if you're a boy or girl. Move like crazy for everything but pictures! :)

Overall, I am just excited to know. I don't care what the Old Wives' tales say, or the Chinese calendar. This is only a determination that can be selected by God. I just hope this is one of those times when God gives me an answer today and not later. ;)

Any last votes - boy or girl??

Friday, July 22, 2011

More Baby Name Ideas

I have loved many names that have been shot down in the course of searching for the right one. Here are the lost names (which I have YET to give up on using).

Sophie - derived from σοφία, the Greek word for "Wisdom." Sophie is from the French form. Sophia has been a popular name throughout the western world. The name was used to represent the personification of wisdom and is also the name of an early Christian martyr.

Ethan - Means "solid, enduring" in Hebrew. The name Ethan is a masculine biblical name that symbolizes "A gift of the island." Derived from the Hebrew words for "permanence" and "strength," Ethan is also translated to mean optimistic, solid, firm, steadfast, righteous, constancy and enduring.

Natalie - From the French form of the Late Latin saint's name Natalia, from natalis (dies) "birthday (of Christ), Christmas". It is also said to have derived from the Late Latin name Natalia which derived from Natale Domini meaning "Christmas Day".

Darren - a masculine given name of uncertain etymological origins. Some theories state that it originated from a Gaelic surname meaning "great", or from an anglicization of the Irish firstname Darragh or Dáire meaing "oak tree". According to other theories, it is a variant of Darrell, which originated from the French surname D'Airelle meaning "of Airelle". Darren has several spelling variations including: Daren, Darin, Daryn, Darrin, and Darryn

Gwen - From Welsh gwen, the feminine form of gwyn meaning "white, fair, blessed".

Those are just a few. But I haven't given up on them yet!

Unreal

I just made the call to schedule my ultrasound appointment and it looks like I will be finding out if this baby is a boy or a girl on Wednesday (next week) @ 11am. My sister (Susan) and husband (Eric) will be there and I'm so excited. I even double-checked to make sure I can have 2 people in there, which I totally can.

It's a little unreal still, even now. I'm sitting here in maternity jeans while the baby swims around like my belly is the YMCA and when I stand I can feel the firmness of my belly. But it still feels like I'm a just a kid, wishing and waiting to have a kid.

When you were little, did you ever play that game MASH? There was a million categories and you always had a friend that added some new categories that you knew weren't on the original but it was fun so you played anyway? You would go through and list pets you wanted, the person you would marry, how many kids you would have, your dream job, etc. You would then go through the list and narrow each category down to one and that's how your life would be, in theory lol. I can't tell you the amount of times I married Tom Cruise, lived in a shack, had a dog named Scout, had 2 kids, and made no money when I was 10 years old.

This feels like I'm just dreaming like I'm 10 years old. Or like when I was a teenager and I would talk to my dad in the backyard, telling him how we'll live by a lake that he can always visit and they'll get a mini-bar in the room and we'll have a golden retriever; it's something I want but when is that a reality?

I know that I've had tests and ultrasounds and doctor's appointments and I know that I'm pregnant. But I don't think the reality of me having a baby and becoming someone's mommy has hit me. Maybe it feels like I'm still dreaming because I can't really say "her" or "him" since I don't know. Maybe it won't even hit me until this baby is born and I hold them on my chest and see that little face. Or a week later when I'm home and realize that I'll always be a mom now.

I think I'll be a good mom but I think I need to say something - I know that I have many friendships with some amazing mothers. I respect all that they have done with their families and I know that each of them has to be doing something right. As much as I will appreciate the advice that I get, I need you all to respect my decision that I won't always take it.

I know that I need to support the neck and feed my child and change their diaper and take care of myself - that's pretty standard.  However, the more advice I get right at the beginning, the more I feel like I have to take it out of respect of everyone's experience. I hope you understand that your decisions and opinions about discipline, breastfeeding, baby clothing, shopping, working, eating, exercising, yelling, teaching, Santa Claus, the East Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and general raising of your child or children are not mine. I hope you all have known me well enough that I have enough common sense to make these decisions. I don't have to justify what I'll decide to do. Trust me - I love hearing about how other mothers take care of things. But even right now, I don't need the stress of being told what I need to do. If I always listen to everyone's opinion, who's taking care my child? If I put you first, my child isn't. And I'm not sorry that my child wins that battle.

I've wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. Please do not take all the excitement away from me with what I "should" do. If you have an opinion or even know something I shouldn't, I would love if you shared. But don't be offended if I don't use that information.

Actually, someone may have to stop me from buying white clothing for my newborn. I have a feeling that it won't be the best color for the messiness that my child will possess.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

The Bidding Pool Begins

So, Saturday will mark the end of my 20th week. I can't believe it's nearly half over! I still feel like I just found out yesterday but then yesterday seems like forever away. I've known since April Fools' Day. How weird. But, I guess with anything, the halfway mark brings on new things. Like the bidding pool lol.

Just to clear everything up, my current due date is December 11th. The original date was December 16th on my first ultrasound when they could only see the gestational sac. Then, they did another one about 2 weeks later to confirm the baby is in there and they moved it to December 12th. On my last ultrasound (7 weeks ago), they bumped it up another day because the baby measured a cm longer or something. I don't think it's what I've been eating because since my first doctor's appointment, I haven't gained any weight - just have lost 5lbs.

I've gotten some guesses but no real high stakes until recently. Here are the guesses:
December 11th - Me.
December 12th - Van and my mother-in-law (I think).
December 13th -
December 14th -
December 15th - My mom (the day I was due to be born).
December 16th - Eric.
December 17th -
December 18th - Josh (brother-in-law) (This is my birthday.)

Van said that if he is right, I have to name my baby after him and if it's a girl, the name must be Vanessa.

No money on the table, but we'll see. They say that first-time mom normally is late, but then I've read that if you're overweight, you're more likely to go into labor early. But no one seems to think I'll be lucky enough for an early labor. Any thoughts? Bids?

Friday, July 15, 2011

Soda and Bagels

So... there's a reason that curiousity killed the cat and it's not because inquiring minds are wrong. I mean, it's perfectly natural to seek out answers. But I think that curiousity must have killed the cat because it wondered what would happen if it sunbathed under a moving car. Or possibility it wondered what bathroom cleaner tasted like. Either way, this curious cat (meaning me) has got to stop Google-ing things. Like labor.

Now, I'm not an idiot - I know it's supposed to hurt. Biblically, it will hurt. There's nothing about that whole process that doesn't scream "OUCH," but I wanted to read about what I'm actually going to deal with. Boy, is that a mistake.

Now, I don't know how many of you know this (and if any of my kids in youth ministry read this, I hope it solidifies any doubts you have about waiting until marriage), but there's 3 stages of labor in the article/slideshow (yes, slideshow) I read:

Stage One lasts from early contractions until it's time to push. This is the longest stage and for first-time mommies, it can last a whopping 10-14 hours... you have GOT to be kidding me. Oh and there's 3 parts to this stage - early, active, and transition labor. In early labor, it "might be painful or slightly uncomfortable," as described in said slideshow. Then again, it must be in comparison. Oh, and contractions.

During active labor, it lasts from 4-8 hours and epidurals are normally given at this time. Now, I'm not bothered by either item in the previous statement. I'm not even bothered that they say that you move onto the next stage when your cervix is at 8cm. What disturbs me is, that is phrased as exactly the following: "Once your cervix is 8cm dialated (a little larger than a soda can), you enter transition." I'm sorry, a soda can? (I read this and the first thing that popped in my head is me, in the middle of labor, not knowing if I'm ready to go or not, demanding a soda can).

The third part is transition, the "most painful part of labor" (because I guess the rest is luxury in comparison) and I am again disturbed by the description. I read, and I quote, "Cervix opens from 8cm to 10cm (about the size of a bagel). WHAT ON EARTH?! Now, this one made me think a little more. Soda cans are about the same so I get that.. Would this be a mini-bagel, like the ones made by Thomas'. Or would this be a medium size bagel like the Fry's generic brand? Or a Sara Lee bagel?

The second stage involves two events - Pushing, then Crowing and Birth. Apparently, when that bagel is at full capacity, there's the pushing part. I read that the contractions do a lot of this for me, thank God! They say this lasts a few minutes to a few hours. Now, more good news in my reading is the reassurance that "the most painful part is over." That's promising...

The third stage is the delivery of the placenta. Now, my very innocent mind did not even consider this aspect of birth until a few years ago. No movies show this happening, or imply it. No one even talks about it. I'm really hoping that when this happens, I don't have the same experience as a friend of mine - she had some terrible scenarious. With one, they had to scrape out the cervix. Another, the doctor had to yank it out. And so, I laugh at fact that they say it "usually" doesn't hurt. Now, I know those scenarios are rare, but then again, it's rare that I'm giving birth, so ANYTHING can happen.

I probably should start making a list for my hospital bag. I already know that I'm having to add a sandwich for my husband since he's not very productive when hungry. But now, I'm going to have to pack a soda and a bagel for me.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Parents Say the Darndest Things!

"When I first saw the twins [when they were born], I really liked them. And, at the same time, there was a ghost over my shoulder saying, 'What if I hadn't liked them?'" -- Tilda Swinton.

This quote just baffled me. I mean, I'm concerned with a lot of things when my baby is born but I've never considered that I wouldn't be head-over-heels in love. Should I? : /

I mean, I haven't had my baby yet but I wonder what my thoughts will be like about him or her. I think that's why I've decided to stop making assumptions about the sex. I mean, I want a boy and a girl and I've been really struggling with how much I want a little girl. I started thinking about how bad of a person I will feel if I find out I'm having a boy and don't immediately feel joy just for knowing. Or if I spend so much time dwelling on how beautiful a little girl with auburn hair and emerald eyes and have a boy with blonde hair and brown eyes! I mean, I know it's a really stupid comparison but I want my child to always know they are always wanted, just as they are.

Honestly, it doesn't really matter what I'm wanting or scared of or anything - it's not in my hands for most of it. I can only do as much as I'm able to.

With that, I'll leave you with a few quotes about children:
In a dark moment I ask, "How can anyone bring a child into this world?"  And the answer rings clear, "Because there is no other world, and because the child has no other way into it."  --Robert Brault

Children seldom misquote.  In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.  --Author Unknown