The last six or seven weeks were rough before Eric got a new job so I didn't really expect to have a "me" day soon. Eric's been able to go out with the guys and our friends and that's only been because our friends are generous.
(By the way, this is NOT my way of saying to people that I want everyone to pay for me - I'm simply pointing out that he would not have been able to do it without them. So thanks.)
I normally stay at home because the gas is a lot of money to make multiple trips and so, when I want me time, I prefer to leave the house. When I'm home, even when she's napping, I clean the house and cook and take care of other things so that's not really a "break." I feel like there's an incorrect perception that, as a stay at home mom, you have plenty of free time. You don't. Since Emily's been mobile, if I want to clean, I have to have Eric watch her or wait till she's asleep. If I eat, I need to hold my plate at my chin so she doesn't reach it.
In spite of all of that, I love spending time with her. She's smart, funny, and concentrates so much on everything that its adorable. The only problem is, when I don't get a break, I get overwhelmed with the cleaning and her impatience and not eating without my fork getting stolen. I can't take a break at home because, when Eric watches her, I still am available to help her or clean.
I don't feel like a bad mom to know that I need time away. There was a girls' night on the night of the guys' night but I didn't go. That turned out to be a good thing because I was told the kids out-numbered the adults and relaxing wouldn't have happened. We go and see our friends (which I love) but when we go out, I take care of Emily most of the time we are out and that's not really relaxing for me.
I've realized that being a mom is a constant state of alertness. You are constantly making sure they either don't get hurt or don't swallow something they shouldn't. I got the gate for the stairs but she started trying to climb the gate and screams when she can't go upstairs. I really don't know how single moms do this. You know, those people have babysitters.
I was going to have time today but Eric had to work. Maybe I'll go Saturday. I just need to get out of the house and drive alone in the car without worrying about being a mom or wife or housekeeper or cook or safety patrol - I want to go to a movie or lunch, relax, and unwind.