Thursday, June 27, 2013

Enjoying the Reward

I don't feel like we always acknowledge the blessings we are given. We become accustomed to receiving all of these amazing gifts and we stop being grateful for small things. We get used to a lack of perseverance and don't want to work for it anymore. We stop seeing our blessings as blessings and begin to see them as rights.

I am not at my best 100% of the time and lately, I've just been so burned out. I haven't been appreciating the things that I have been given like I should. It's not easy to be a stay-at-home mom all the time. I know that, unless you do it or have done it, it's not really acknowledged as hard work. There's unlimited overtime hours and no pay. No vacation. Constant deadlines. Constant criticism from others in your field and others that have heard about your field with no experience of their own. Working on sick days. Yet, I do it. I need to do it, .

I am grateful to be a SAHM. I wouldn't have anyone else do this job. But the last few weeks, I have just wanted a break. It's exhausting when Eric has two days off a week and most of his work days give him an hour at the end of the day with Emily. I stay up late to finish cleaning and then have some "me" time

In all of this stress, I have not been acknowledging the awesome kid that Emily is. She's learning so quickly. Last weekend, she was playing in her room with Eric while I was cooking. I was listening over the monitor.

Eric: Hi, Emily.
Emily: Hewo.
Eric: How are you?
Emily: (garbled) Happy to see you.

WHAT?! She's repeating everything nowadays. She can jump a few inches from the ground.
She'll go in her room and have books all over her lap while she pretends to read. She puts her dirty dishes in the sink. She helps put clothes in the laundry basket. Also, she kisses, not licks, now! She's just impressive.

Also, Tuesday was the seven-year anniversary of mine and Eric's first date. He bought me some red roses. We went to our first movie together since Emily was born on Wednesday. The theater was empty and it was relaxing to see a movie together.

Need to appreciate this much more.

Monday, June 17, 2013

My name is Krystle and I'm addicted.

I am proud to say that I have been regularly working out for about an hour, three times a week, for almost 2 months. Sometimes, it's more, but it hasn't been less.

I am not so proud to say that my discipline has NOT reached my unhealthy eating habits.

To be fair, my love affair with fast food has been minimized to about once a week (which is also nicer for our budget) and my meals are attempting to be healthier (been trying new vegetable recipes), but my nighttime popcorn habit will be the death of my weight-loss.

The ridiculous thing is, I know this. I realize it hinders my goals and prevents me from losing more fat. But I give in EVERY SINGLE TIME. I will avoid buying it and then, spend on it that day with another alibi to go to the store. I hide it away and tell myself I can have it on the weekend and end up rationalizing why I "need" it tonight. I even tell myself that I will never even make a dent in my weight loss significantly if I don't stop. Somehow, I decide one more won't hurt.

Is this how people with more drastic addictions feel when quitting? I mean, I'm sure they don't have meetings for popcorn addicts. Oh, Overeaters Anonymous, right?

Ugh, I hate that I love food.

I am never planning on being a single-digit jean size, but I would prefer to be down at least two sizes before we are pregnant again. With all my pregnant friends right now, I would love to lose what they gain. (sorry, ladies!)

Habits to break or change? Can't I just get lipo and a tummy tuck??