Enjoying the Reward

I don't feel like we always acknowledge the blessings we are given. We become accustomed to receiving all of these amazing gifts and we stop being grateful for small things. We get used to a lack of perseverance and don't want to work for it anymore. We stop seeing our blessings as blessings and begin to see them as rights.

I am not at my best 100% of the time and lately, I've just been so burned out. I haven't been appreciating the things that I have been given like I should. It's not easy to be a stay-at-home mom all the time. I know that, unless you do it or have done it, it's not really acknowledged as hard work. There's unlimited overtime hours and no pay. No vacation. Constant deadlines. Constant criticism from others in your field and others that have heard about your field with no experience of their own. Working on sick days. Yet, I do it. I need to do it, .

I am grateful to be a SAHM. I wouldn't have anyone else do this job. But the last few weeks, I have just wanted a break. It's exhausting when Eric has two days off a week and most of his work days give him an hour at the end of the day with Emily. I stay up late to finish cleaning and then have some "me" time

In all of this stress, I have not been acknowledging the awesome kid that Emily is. She's learning so quickly. Last weekend, she was playing in her room with Eric while I was cooking. I was listening over the monitor.

Eric: Hi, Emily.
Emily: Hewo.
Eric: How are you?
Emily: (garbled) Happy to see you.

WHAT?! She's repeating everything nowadays. She can jump a few inches from the ground.
She'll go in her room and have books all over her lap while she pretends to read. She puts her dirty dishes in the sink. She helps put clothes in the laundry basket. Also, she kisses, not licks, now! She's just impressive.

Also, Tuesday was the seven-year anniversary of mine and Eric's first date. He bought me some red roses. We went to our first movie together since Emily was born on Wednesday. The theater was empty and it was relaxing to see a movie together.

Need to appreciate this much more.

Embarassed

When you become a mother, there is a whole new world of things that embarrass you. If you are a perfectionist like me, the number is high. Unfortunately, you only learn about these things as you go.

This week, Emily threw her first public tantrum. I don't mind when she throws a tantrum at home -  I can handle it. Even when people are visiting or we are at someone's home (a rarity, lol), I can easily handle and calm her down. But nothing is as mortifying as a tantrum in a public place. It wasn't severe, it wasn't violent, but it was loud.

We were at the public health department for our WIC appointment and, for some reason, they left the door in the lobby open with 3 or 4 toddlers in the waiting room. Maybe I'm the only bad mommy who's daughter tried to run out of the lobby so this is why they leave it.

Either way, she kept trying to run out the door, so I would walk her back and try to occupy her. I brought her favorite snack (Gerbers' garden tomato puffs) so I took them out for her to snack on. She eats a few, tries to make a break for it. I go for her hand to guide her back and she smacks down the snacks everywhere, forcing me to crawl all over the lobby. Then, when I go to bring her back again, she starts jumping and pulling at her arm to break free. Then, she throws her body on the ground and smacks her head on the linoleum (intentionally). Starts yelling, "no. No." Then, we were called back to the office and she kept trying to escape.

Another thing I am embarrassed about this week - my body. I know I'm going to get heat about saying that from my girl friends but you know what? I am not digging my body this week. I know its not the same as a few years ago - I have carried a child and breastfed. I realize that it won't be the same. But I have the delusional desire for it to be.

I was getting ready to go to lunch with a friend on Wednesday and I was checking out clothes I hadn't worn in a while. I even tried on one of my pre-pregnancy shirts. Gorgeous and flowy. But I wasn't comfortable wearing it because of my belly-in-progress.

I know I am working out, but for now, I am covering up what I can. I know that's probably a bad way of thinking of it, but at least I am working on it.