Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Twelve Days and Counting....

I have to admit, I'm getting a little nervous about Emily getting here.

I've been getting everything taken care of. I have almost everything done - her car seat will be installed and inspected by the fire department on Friday. I got new tires for my car and my oil change is tomorrow. Her nursery is ready, except for purchasing my rocking chair. All of her clothes are washed and either hung up or put away, except for the outfit I just got her. I have at least 250 diapers in newborn and size 1. I prepared 4 9x13 pans of meals for the freezer, plus I have 1 more to make and I still am making frozen Cordon Bleu AND I bought several things of frozen cuts of meat to throw in the slower cooker - that comes out to about 3 weeks of dinners. I'm getting my Christmas shopping online...

You get it - I'm trying to get everything ready so that, after my last day of work this coming Tuesday, I can relax and get mentally prepared for labor.

Today, I realized something - I've been preparing for labor, for dressing her, for taking care of her, for taking care of me, but it all became so tangibly real today.

I'm about to be a mother. A parent. I know those phrases probably mean nothing position-wise to someone who is just a son or daughter because, for your whole life, you're someone's child. That's who you are for your entire existence and there's never any question about that. I'm lucky - I have both of my parents, alive and healthy, have been married for 27 years this past June. They've taken care of me in one way or another my whole life and I have never doubted that. I knew that I would never go hungry in their house and money was never something I thought about until I got my own job. I have been very blessed in having amazing parents.

Now, I'm going to be a parent and I can only pray and try to be half as good of a parent as I've had. Not only will I be a parent - I'm about to be someone's lifeline. In about 12 days, I'm going to give birth (which is easily the most sci-fi thing to happen in real life and the closest I will ever come to understanding creation) and this defenseless, fresh person will have life because of Eric and I. I don't even know what emotions I'll feel but I know love will be one. Even knowing that, I don't think I can fathom the love I'll feel for her  - I'm told it's unlike anything in the world.

Logically, I've known all this is going to happen. I guess, tonight, I realized that my life is never going to be the same again. There's no backing out or giving up if it's tough - I'm going to be Emily's mommy. I don't even really comprehend fully what that means yet; all I know is that I cannot wait to hold her close and hear her tiny little voice cry, knowing that Eric and I made this little person and God's in total control.

I wish I could articulate this better.

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