Tuesday, February 28, 2012


For my whole life, I have wanted to be a mom. I don't remember an age where I didn't want to be a mom. I think I saw my mom and I wanted to be like her. She was always so playful and fun with us when we were kids and even when I was mad because I was punished, she never waivered in love for us. I always knew that I wanted to be a mom like her.

I don't know what I actually expected when I became a mom. As I got older, I thought understood the reality - sleepless, loud, frustrating nights with many diapers. What actually happened - she's sleeping through the night, cries less than an hour a day, the nights are easy (now) and... well, she does have a lot of diapers. I expected she wouldn't smile until 3 months old and that she wouldn't do anything but sleep eat and poop until she learned to crawl. What actually happened - she has the most beautiful smile I've ever seen that is just full of joy and she loves to just bounce around and "talk" to me and anyone who will listen.

I still wanted to be a mom with those expectations.

I didn't expect to have issues breastfeeding. I didn't expect her to have such a sad cry when she got her shots. I didn't expect that she would pee on me a few times. I didn't expect to be in the hospital for a week with her from her weight. But I still want to be a mom.

I know why I love this so much - it's because I never expected in a million years that I would love her this much. I didn't expect that, as she falls asleep, I would want to kiss her and hold her so close.

I know she will not be this small forever and it won't last; everyone keeps telling me that. Can I ask a favor?

Stop telling me that. It's the only expectation that I know will happen.

No comments:

Post a Comment