Hypocrisy

I try to keep in touch with the youth students that I helped minister on Facebook. I was a youth leader for 6 years before this break I'm taking and I met a lot of students in that time. I have also met a lot of youth leaders. I love hearing about how the previous students are doing and it always breaks my heart when they walk away or are having rough times. What I didn't realize is that it also works in the reverse way.

One of the youth students contacted me and was heartbroken because a previous leader no longer believes in God. It broke my heart too.

I mean, think of how much has been invested in these students. Or even as a leader of any group in the church. We have taught them that God prevails and to have faith in Him and that He saves and He is merciful and He is their friend. We have cried at altars with them, led them into worship, prayed healing over them, encouraged them with the Word, prayed in tongues with them, praised God for victories with them... and then what? We wish them well and pray for safe travels and they are gone.

Time goes by and, since no one worries about friends on their Facebook page, they remain on your Friends list. If we are careful and keep relationship with God, they see that. If we walk away from Christ, they see that. If we walk away, we aren't just walking away from God or even the church. We are telling everyone that we have ministered to or prayed with that it was a lie. And once you KNOW Christ is real and have felt His presence and blessings, how do you turn around and say, "I don't believe"?

"This is what the Lord says:

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who draws strength from mere flesh
and whose heart turns away from the Lord."

- Jeremiah 17:5, New International Version

I'm not saying that you can never step down from ministry. I did and it was to "fill my bucket," for lack of a better term. But walking away from Christ is totally different.

“But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”
- Joshua 24:15, New International Version  

Speedy Emily

The last few weeks have brought a new and exciting talent: Walking. Emily took her first steps on my sister Susan's birthday on October 14th.

Let's review that. My daughter took her first steps SIX DAYS before she turned 10 months. I was not expecting this. Her highest distance/steps has been about 3 feet with 10 steps. In the last few days, she's been really determined. She's still doing short distances but I think she'll be really walking by Thanksgiving.

Unfortunately, this talent has come with many dangers. She's using her skills to walk cabinets, doors, and (yikes) r

----- BREAK -----

I started writing this blog entry two days ago. I stopped because, while I was blogging, my daughter speedily crawled away. I stood up to walk after her and she went behind the couch to stand at the window. Seconds later, she begins crying so I go to get her. As soon as I pick her up, blood starts running from her mouth.

Like I said, this talent comes with dangers.

She hit the back of her mouth with something - I think it was a wooden spoon because Eric and I let her drum on pots and pans with spoons and we must've forgotten one on the floor. Because of this injury, I called the pediatrician's office. She would barely eat or drink and the nurse said that the sucking motion will iritate her wound. Basically, she told us to push fluids so she doesn't dehydrate. She said it should be better by the next morning (which is was) because mouth injuries heal pretty quickly (which my mom and Alexis told me).

She was better by the next day and began her morning with 17 STEPS (click the link to see!). My little girl is becoming a walker. I'm not sure I'm ready for this.

 

My Time

I'm exhausted and I want to take some time for me.

The last six or seven weeks were rough before Eric got a new job so I didn't really expect to have a "me" day soon. Eric's been able to go out with the guys and our friends and that's only been because our friends are generous.

(By the way, this is NOT my way of saying to people that I want everyone to pay for me - I'm simply pointing out that he would not have been able to do it without them. So thanks.)

I normally stay at home because the gas is a lot of money to make multiple trips and so, when I want me time, I prefer to leave the house. When I'm home, even when she's napping, I clean the house and cook and take care of other things so that's not really a "break." I feel like there's an incorrect perception that, as a stay at home mom, you have plenty of free time. You don't. Since Emily's been mobile, if I want to clean, I have to have Eric watch her or wait till she's asleep. If I eat, I need to hold my plate at my chin so she doesn't reach it.

In spite of all of that, I love spending time with her. She's smart, funny, and concentrates so much on everything that its adorable. The only problem is, when I don't get a break, I get overwhelmed with the cleaning and her impatience and not eating without my fork getting stolen. I can't take a break at home because, when Eric watches her, I still am available to help her or clean.

I don't feel like a bad mom to know that I need time away. There was a girls' night on the night of the guys' night but I didn't go. That turned out to be a good thing because I was told the kids out-numbered the adults and relaxing wouldn't have happened. We go and see our friends (which I love) but when we go out, I take care of Emily most of the time we are out and that's not really relaxing for me.

I've realized that being a mom is a constant state of alertness. You are constantly making sure they either don't get hurt or don't swallow something they shouldn't. I got the gate for the stairs but she started trying to climb the gate and screams when she can't go upstairs. I really don't know how single moms do this. You know, those people have babysitters.

I was going to have time today but Eric had to work. Maybe I'll go Saturday. I just need to get out of the house and drive alone in the car without worrying about being a mom or wife or housekeeper or cook or safety patrol - I want to go to a movie or lunch, relax, and unwind.

Seasons Change

First of all, if you are still reading my blog after all of this time, thank you. I'm not sure who does (other than my mom).

This last week has been great. :) I started my diet on Monday last week and my 1-week measurements say I lost an inch and a half at my waist and hips! Its probably mostly water weight but it is NOT welcome to return. I enjoyed my treat on Wednesday night (popcorn and a mini-soda) and it was so easy to stick with it. Whenever I crave something on a non-treat night, I'm going to remind myself of those inches.

Also, Emily is tear-free at bedtime all week now! She has woken a few times after I've put her to bed but I think she's cutting another tooth. We had a visit from my parents on Saturday and she was out like a light by 8:55pm and slept past 7:00am. We almost didn't make it out for church. Today, she said "buh-bye" and "you" for the first time. She also learned to clap yesterday.

Best news - Eric was just offered a department manager job at Wal-Mart in Sierra Vista. He said we are a couple months away from moving because we need to take care of other things first (but I'm thinking it will happen after the holidays). We are still looking for a better job and PRAYING he gets an interview with the civil service job he applied to but this is a good step forward while we wait.

As for today? Today, I am proud that I made it a week on my diet, happy that my husband is employed at a better job, and excited that my little girl is making such progress.

New job, Emily's progress, and dieting! Oh my!

A lot has happened in the last few weeks so I guess I better update you!

First of all, Eric and I celebrated our fourth anniversary last week on Thursday. We had a roasted chicken for dinner and all three of us had dinner together at the table.

GOOD NEWS ALERT! Eric has a job as a manager trainee or shift lead or something at McDonald's. He's glad he's bringing home income but he is still seeking a better job. He admitted it felt good to work ONLY 8 hours at a shift. Instead of 15 hours. AND he got off on time AND he's able to go to youth on Wednesday and Fry Bread (our church's booth at Art in the Park this weekend). So, in spite of this not being what he planned, they are being really nice about giving him the time that he asked for church.

Emily has 3 teeth showing (two bottom, one top) and I think she has another top tooth coming in. She's crawling great, pulling herself up, and I think she'll take her first steps soon. She's saying "dada," "mom-momma," "wow," "baba," and now, "way." I think that one comes from us saying "no way" when she shakes her head at us. I started putting her to sleep on her own almost two weeks ago. The first two nights were really rough. Then, I added some structure and she's been improving since. I'm trying to take in all the advice that I'm getting and using what makes sense to me. She was really tired so she fell asleep before I put her in her bed last night but the night before, she cried less than 30 seconds before going to sleep. The crying has been the hardest part so I was a little happy that she fell asleep on the way to her room last night. She hasn't been up past 9:30pm and hasn't been awake before 6:30am for the day since she started going to bed on time. Even better, she hasn't woken in the middle of the night in weeks!

I'm not sure if it's actually helped in the nursery since she's going through an "only Mommy" phase, but she only cried the first five minutes and the last five minutes this past Wednesday and only a little bit on Sunday morning. Which apparently stopped when Lisa cuddled her. lol

Emily had her 9-month check-up. She weighs 21 lbs and 1oz, and she's 29 inches long now. That puts her in the 81th percentile for her weight and 86th percentile for height. She's healthy and we got the OK for allowing her to eat any dairy except regular milk. So, she's tried string cheese, shredded cheddar cheese, and vanilla yogur. She also had mashed potatoes with a little bit of sour cream in it and LOVED it.

As for me? Yesterday, I started the Abs diet. I think the hardest thing for me will be avoiding popcorn at nighttime - it's my only real weakness when it comes to eating healthy. I didn't give in last night, though, and that was my first triumph. This program is 6 weeks (initially) and working out is optional the first two weeks. I really want to prove to myself that I have enough discipline to stick with this all 6 weeks. The program allows you to cheat on the diet for one meal or snack a week so I think that's going to make it easier. Plus, it's not as restrictive as most other diets. Mainly, it's just eating healthy.

I didn't weigh-in before beginning since I don't have a working scale, but I'm going to be bold and post my starting points...

Size: 22
Measurements: 45-41-55

I'm hoping I'll be down at least one size by the end of six weeks. If I succeed, I'm going to try to keep this diet through the holidays and just make my cheat meals on the actual holiday. That being said, I probably won't get past my birthday (December 18th) because Emily's birthday (December 20th) is right after and then, Christmas.

It's a wonderful life

We are unfortunately entering another week of unemployment. And yet, I'm not discouraged. I'm weirdly serene about the whole thing. Maybe it hasn't hit me yet but I'm just so confident that my God is pulling through for us. I believe that Eric just hasn't found the job He has for him yet. I know it's coming. We applied him to a few promising jobs this weekend that I'm looking forward to hearing from.

On the home front, Emily is constantly progressing. If you haven't seen it yet, here's a video of her MAJOR crawling skills: http://youtu.be/SN9saAJTVsg.

She's saying "Mom-momma" a lot, which is so adorable. Before now, I could put her in her bouncer with the mobile in the bathroom while I took my shower. I realized I could no longer do that when I caught her crawling out of it! So, I let her roam my room while I shower and what does she do? Sit right in front of the shower and wait for me, legs crossed and arms folded. She's just such a joy. She just turned 9 months old a couple of days ago. She has two teeth now! I'm sure I'll look back at this blog entry when she's going to school and wish these days back so I'm taking every second in.

To sum it up: keeping my faith in God that everything is going to be amazing. No matter what.

My First Wednesday

Tonight, I went back to church on Wednesday night for the first time since Emily was born. I am glad that I did.

First of all, the Bible study - this is a perfect one for me to start with. Pastor Ken is doing this study on the book of Hebrews. Tonight seemed like just a taste of what we will be studying but it felt so right to finally be in an adult service for the first time in my life. After tonight, it was just a confirmation that I need to be there for now. As we were wrapping up, I finally felt something that I haven't really given myself the time to feel - hunger for Jesus. But not the same as when I was in youth ministry. It was a hunger for ME to get closer. It was so great to have that.

Emily stayed in the nursery and she just got fussy towards the end. I'm sure its because she was tired and she's still getting used to it. Either way, she was fine after :)

Then, there was my talk with Jen. I won't go into the details but she said some things that I know my heart needed to hear from someone who knew I needed to listen. It was all stuff that I've been thinking about lately so I know she is right. Its going to stick with me a while. Jen, if you're reading, thank you.

Now, I'm curled up in bed, excited about the weekend that we have planned and confident in Eric's job search and keeping my faith that God's taking care of all of it. Good night.