Decisions, decisions....

Has it really been two weeks since I last blogged? Whoa.

I've been feeling the pressure from everyone (even Eric) to return to youth ministry since the day Emily was born and I've made a decision. I guess it's less of a decision and more of an answer to a question that I needed to ask myself. I've been delaying going back for a while and for some reason, the decision to go back didn't really feel right in my spirit. I posed a question to myself and in prayer: What is best for my family and myself?

I realize now that I haven't really ever answered that question in regards to going back. I didn' feel like I was ready and I didn't really know why. At first, I thought it was guilt about Emily but it's really not. I (finally) was praying about it the last few days and I came to a realization:

I need to grow.

I've been in that youth group as a student or a leader for the last 7 years. I haven't been to an adult Wednesday night service ever. Also, with Emily, I can't make the kind of time commitment to these students like I did before. I'm not saying I never will be able to, but my two priorities need to come first - my relationship with God and my family.

I am not going back to youth ministry right now. Until God directs me differently, my Wednesday nights will be either spent with my daughter at home or at an adult Wednesday night service. I want to be an example of a godly woman for my daughter, not the hypocrites she will forever see in the media. I know it will be good for me to go on Wednesday nights to adult services and if I can't, I have a Bible study I just began pursuing. Also, it will be good for Emily to spend time with the other babies for an hour during service.

If I am pleasing God and taking care of my family, that's all I need right now.

On Call

I think the phrase "on call" accurately describes being a parent. I've realized this much more lately.

Emily had a fever, off and on, for two days last week. For two nights, she barely slept. One of the nights, I think there was a 4-hour span that I just kept getting her back to sleep, putting her in her crib, going back to my room, and laying in my bed while I waited for her to get up again. I only know I slept because I had a dream. The second night, I caved and just brought her in our room. She finished the night with only an hour in her crib, the rest on or next to me.

Today, I think she has a cold. She is asleep now and the humidifier is in her room because she's been coughing a little this afternoon. On the upside, I haven't needed the nose sucker thing because it runs every time she sneezes.

Wait, I got off track.

Babies don't care if you think its break time. They can't help it - they are helpless in many ways (even if they are independant in others).

I was reflecting a bit on my relationship with God today and have been thinking about him as I text out this blog. He has plenty on His plate already, I bet. But whenever I need Him, he comes. I need to realize that even though I'm also independant in many ways, I still need Him.

I'm glad to be on-call with Emily and I think I understand an inkling of why God probably is too: When she's sick or lonely or just needs me, she holds me so tight like she will never let go. And even when she does, I know she will end up needing me again. Isn't that the best overtime you can think of?

Emily, I promise to always be on-call. Whether you are 3 or 63.

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My 100th Post (with some BIG news)

I was going to have another title but, when I logged in to start a post, I was informed that I have written 99 posts. Boy, do I have a way to celebrate! And I couldn't be happier to write this entry.
Emily said her first word. :)

Before I begin, I've been encouraging her a lot with this word all week. Tonight, I was buckling her in her carseat after leaving Wal-Mart and she has been making noises a lot. Then, she slowly says, "Mmmmmmmm-mom." My eyes popped out. My jaw dropped. Hers did too. (She copies me a lot, something I will need to always keep in mind.)

I immediately called Eric and my parents. On our drive to see Eric at work, she said it again!! I thought to myself, Now I know it wasn't just a fluke. We visited Eric and she wouldn't say a word. As we got back to the neighborhood, she sat in her carseat and said, "Momma, momma, momma."

I have never had a warmer heart than tonight.

Indirect Encouragement

LI get discouraged a lot as a stay-at-home mom. Most of my friends with kids work and have 2 or more other activities they are committed to. They are at ease when someone else watches their child. They are a whole different breed than me. What sucks is, these are people I am friends with and so I am asked, "Why aren't you..." a lot. Even my husband does this and I understand why everyone does: they always do this or that so the fact that I'm not is strange.

It took me (I think) 6 weeks before I was back at church. I wasn't sleeping well and Emily had no schedule yet and I didn't really have a handle on this whole "get out the door and go" thing, but I really got grief from my husband and others for not going to church. I haven't been at youth group as a leader since before she was born. I explain why its rough (Emily's schedule vs. Falling asleep on the 40-minute drive and keeping me up as weird hours) but I'm trying to get situated to go back next month. I took a month to take her to the store. I'm sure there's more.

I know I'm probably an over cautious momma, but I kep wishing for people to tell me its okay to take things slow. Its okay to take 8 months to return to youth after being involved over 5 years because I was getting used to being a mommy. Its okay to keep a routine. Its okay to keep her home if she's sick. Its okay that I'm not ready to put her in the nursery.

(For the record, my mom is very good at encouraging me. She doesn't always agree, but she encourages me)

Lately, I'm comforted in more ways than one in my friend's blog. Her blog is reassuring as a mommy, insightful as a Christian, and helpful as a wife. I don't know if she'll read this but thank you for writing your blog.

I am seeking God in a different way than I was before. My perspective has become so much more grateful and humble than before. If I glorify and seek Him, this mommy-ing and wife-ing will flow more easily. I need to show my daughter the example of what Godly living is. Right now, that's love. That's all she understands.

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The Pampered

Tonight, I took the time to pamper myself. Romance myself. Indulge myself.

I had a bubble bath. A cozy, bubbly, candlelit bubble bath. I read a book. I closed my eyes, listening to Emily's lullaby CD over the monitor. And all this pampering was ruined by the fact I can't just do nothing. So I started thinking.

If I have time to pamper my body, I should start taking care of my body.

I need to get in shape. I would say "back in shape" but let's face it: I've never really been "in shape." I don't wanna be skinny or even slender. I want to fit below a certain jean size. Yes, that is one of my several selfish reasons. I want to look good. I want to feel good. I want to wear clothing that has no more than one X on it. My one non-selfish reason is because I want to be at a better weight for my next pregnancy so I don't have as many risks. Since we hope to have our kids close in age, I need to start now.

I have two days left of pumping (I'm on one a day now) and I will be giving myself one week of indulgence. It won't be the end of ever snacking or treating again, but it will definitely be less junk.

Right now, Emily's diet is so much more diverse than mine. She had sweet potatoes, peas, zucchini, bananas and more. And all that I just listed are homemade. She has maybe one or two things that are store bought (but that's because I either can't make that or its a gift from my mom) which is great because I save some money while I try out new things. What do I eat? I'm pretty sure I have one vegetable a day. She eats at least 3 different ones a day!

Starting a week from Sunday, I want to start working out and eating smarter. I am going to start at 3 workout-days a week and go from there. Going to be eating more veggies and less processed food.

Goal? By Christmas, I would like to have gone down 2 jean sizes. I think I can.

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6-Month Well Baby

The visit took a while to get to. Emily's appointment was at 10:15am so we arrived about 20 minutes early (since we have gotten in and out sooner before when we did that). We didn't get called back until 10:30am and I believe it was after 11am when we were finally seen.

Everything went smooth after that, though. Dr. Smith came in and did his exam. He tried to coax a smile out of Emily, teasing her about her "serious face" but the girl meant business! He went over her height (27 inches, 90th percentile) and weight (18lbs, 3oz, 90th percentile) and said she is perfectly proportional.

We discussed eating solids and I told him that she's already having solids (single-grain cereal and a veggie) for two meals a day and he wants me to go ahead and add one to breakfast time. He said to go ahead with the stage 1 and 2 foods and then I can add chicken and proteins in about a month or two, but its gonna need to be blended a bit. He said that, whatever I'm doing, keep doing it because she's growing and developing perfectly.

He told me she's perfect. But I already knew that.

All of my mom friends know, that phrase is music to our ears. Right, ladies?

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Celebrations

There's a lot to celebrate this week so I will go in order.

First of all, Emily is almost an unsupported sitter. She took her first ride in the seat part of the cart at Wal-Mart earlier this week. I got her the cutest seat cover. She seems to enjoy the new view of things.

On Monday, Susan came over and she got Emily to giggle. This was a HUGE deal since it was the first time for Susan. I cannot express how happy she was.

They were both a little surprised.

On Wednesday, Emily turned 6 months old! I can't believe she has been with me for half a year now. She's just such a gorgeous girl and she's all smart and funny and great and stuff.

I mean, who else can chew like this?

Yesterday, my parents dropped by for a few hours to put up Emily's FIRST CURTAINS that my mom made for her so it wasn't so sunny in her room during her naps. After, I got to spend some time with them and Emily in the backyard. I kept spritzing Emily with a water bottle to keep her cooled off which she really enjoyed.

And the best part of the week - Today, my parents celebrate 28 years of a HAPPY marriage. So if you know them or see them, wish them a good one!! :) (Love you, Mom and Dad!)

And now, my week shall end this way: Kissing my husband as he leaves for work and cuddling with Emily while watching The Muppet Movie.