Bookworm

I have re-discovered my love of books.

I know I normally prefer movies because I can multi-task during them, but I've realized that I ONLY multitask when I'm watching television. If the TV is on, I'm almost always folding laundry or washing dishes or feeding Emily or playing with Emily or pumping or tidying the living room (or bedroom, depending where I'm watching). For this reason, watching movies is not really a relaxing experience for me. A movie used to mean, "Yes, time for popcorn and lounging on the couch." Now, a movie means, "Good, now I can get all that laundry done."

I received Bossypants by Tina Fey from Eric for my birthday and I have been reading it every night as I go to bed. I finished it a few nights ago but I realized that I felt so relaxed while I read and I know why - I can't do anything else while I read. And I don't relax by doing nothing; it's by doing no more than one thing.

That being said, I need more books.

Trying new things

Emily's well-baby checkup went well. Here's the changes:

Last Well-Baby:
Weight: 11lbs 10oz
Length: 23.5 inches

This Well-Baby
Weight: 14lbs 7oz
Length: 25 inches

My little girl is certainly getting big! My mom came over after Emily's doctor's appointment and we were supposed to work on some things, but we ended up just hanging out and having lunch while Emily slept off her shots. It was nice to have her over since I haven't gotten to have her over in a while.

Emily hasn't turned over yet so Dr. Smith told me I need to increase her time on her stomach. I decided the easiest time is right after her nap. When I went to get her from her first nap yesterday, I put her on her Sesame Street blanket on the floor so I could change her sheets. As I watched her, I wish I had my camera because the girl completed almost an entire circle as she kept trying to push over. I think she just needs to figure out her arms so I'm not concerned - she will end up turning over one way or another.

Yesterday, we also tried her first rice cereal. It went pretty well!

Overall, yesterday was a fun day with her. I have such an amazing girl. This morning, she decided we needed to be early risers so she was ready to get out of her crib at 5:45am. I think she was actually up by 5:30am, maybe earlier. I'm hoping to catch a nap on her second one today. Or maybe Eric can watch her while she's up and I can go lay down for an hour.



"Are you lonely?"

That's the question my mom asked me the other day. The answer: I think I am.

Eric's been working insane hours so I only get to see him so much. Last week, I tried to embrace the solo time I was going to have for my afternoon "off" and see a movie on my own. I ended up inviting someone to come with me to the movies and then, the movie I picked wasn't in theaters. I could have gone to another movie but I would have been home later and I missed my husband and daughter.

I had a job before this where I was constantly interacting with people that I had known a while or just met. I could walk into my coworker's office when I was having a frustrating morning with work and we would talk for a few minutes. I was able to connect with a minimum of 10 people every day. Since I have become a stay-at-home mom, I don't have that.

I'm not saying I regret staying home at all; I love staying with my daughter and holding her and playing with her and kissing her beautiful face. I am saying that I miss people.

I became a homebody long before Emily was born. When we lived in Whetstone, the drive was shorter and, if my friends invited me over, I grabbed my keys and purse and said, "See you in 20 minutes!" I could be spontaneous! When we moved to Benson, my travel time doubled and Emily's schedule goes a little crazy. She does fine with a short outing but not if she doesn't have somewhere to nap or nurse. Plus, I can't go 4 hours without pumping and I'm not comfortable doing that out and about.

I think that I'm losing a lot of friends because of living here. No one likes to make the drive out to see us (which I understand - gas is expensive) and bringing Emily with me into town becomes a mission to bring the least amount but bringing all I need. And I have to time it so that I can pump before I leave. That being said, I realize that I'm not really invited anywhere and I think it's because I said "no" one too many times. What I fear is, I'm not invited anymore because no one wants to spend time with me.

I have invited some people out here but it rarely works out. I have only one person in Benson that I could see and I thought to myself earlier last week, I should surprise Amanda and visit her with Emily. Then, I found the construction that's going on in Benson right now, which makes it really sucky. So I need to figure out another way to see her.

In summary - My husband works 60+ hours a week. Most of my friends don't want to drive out to see me (which I am told is because of gas money) (and thank you to the friends that have come). And the person who is my most frequent company is a four-month old who always smiles at me.

You know what? Who cares? I have Emily and she's the person that is always happy to have me. Always. And all I have to do to hang out with her is provide refreshments. :)

Oh my blog!

I haven't updated this in a while, so let's get to it.

Eric and I finally went on our first date since Emily was born at the beginning of the month. My parents were nice enough to watch Emily while we went out to dinner at Country House. As much as we tried, we talked about Emily 90% of the time. Even so, it was so refreshing to eat a meal that I didn't have to cook or clean up after and be able to complete it without worrying if Emily would sleep long enough to finish it. Every time we realized we had looped back to Emily, we changed the subject to some nonsense subject. However, it didn't really help that there was a table across from us with a little one. :)

I'm starting to manage my time better. I've been keeping the house clean and dishes caught up which I feel really proud for doing. I've been able to make real meals made when Eric is home (instead of just throwing something frozen in the oven). Eric's even made a few meals, which has been incredibly helpful.

Emily is doing great. She's just such a happy baby and is amazing. She is such a joy to spend my day with and I love that girl :) She has a doctor's appointment tomorrow and I'm looking forward to seeing (in numbers) how much she has grown!

Gotta go for now - my little blessing is ready to wake up!

Real life?

Eric was talking to me about getting back into our "real life." I've had other people tell me that I need to get back into "normal life." I keep seeing all these things online about how to "get back to normal" after your baby is born.

When did people forget that a baby changes everything?

When I got pregnant, at the beginning, I thought it was totally feasible for me to work a 40-hour work week and come home. I was thinking about the cost of sitters and who could watch Emily while I went on with things like dinners out and dates and all of this. I decided that my baby would sleep whenever I want and I was convinced that giving my daughter formula would sign her death certificate. I stayed up until 1am some nights and did whatever I wanted without worrying. I didn't think about how my life would change when she got here.

Now? I prefer to be home (or headed home) by 9pm so Emily can get to bed and I can pump breastmilk and be asleep by ten so I can sleep while she does, considering she is sleeping 8 hours a night. I couldn't imagine going back to work and realize it's a blessing that I am able to stay home and not a right. I realize that, even though breastfeeding is natural, that doesn't mean it's always easy. I know that using formula and/or breastmilk is a personal decision.

My whole day revolves around Emily now. I limit how much I'm out and about because Emily gets really fussy if her sleeping/eating/playtime schedule is messed up too much. I haven't really visited a lot of friends because I have to pump breastmilk or breastfeed if I'm out more than 3 hours and I am really not comfortable with doing that in front of my friends because I prefer not to use a cover and that's uncomfortable for some people. If I use a cover, Emily falls asleep within 5-10 minutes and doesn't finish eating. I've only breastfed at my house and my mom's. Same goes for pumping. Grocery shopping isn't an issue with Emily; she does great as long as she doesn't miss her nap. Church on Sunday happens to fall during a feeding and I feed her expressed breastmilk and formula separately, so I just go to the nursery and do it myself because my bottle lid sometimes leaks and it's easier to do it rather than sound like the mom who doesn't think anyone knows how to feed a child. I normally stay with her in the nursery after - I want to try to leave her with the nursery workers but there's a lot more babies in the church during both services now that I would rather just stay since there are so many babies anyway.

Eric and I are still not ready to dive back into youth ministry and I don't know if I feel guilty or not for that. I just wrote and deleted a whole paragraph which discussed all of this but I don't think it's really something I need to discuss with anyone that reads my blog.

My question is, who decides what "real life" or "normal" is after baby? I know that I need to be able to do every day things with her (grocery shopping, driving, visiting friends, etc.) but why does it have to be the same as before? To say, "Nothing will change" is a lot like saying "I know I'm a parent, but let's pretend the kid isn't here."

I'm okay with it if you guys don't agree. If we did, that would be too easy.

My Own Time

With everything that goes on in my day, I love spending time with my daughter more than anything. She is expressive, smart, beautiful, and my morning coffee! 

I love being home with her and being out with her but so does her daddy :) He's been so good to stay home with her an afternoon every other week for the last few weeks so I can go out and do something for myself. I have become such a homebody when I used to constantly be surrounded by people I see every day. Its been an odd adjustment so the time for me to go out and about on my own has been nice.

One thing always happens - when I get home, I always miss them both like crazy.

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Emily's first cold

Emily and I officially both have colds.

She was starting to show signs yesterday - sneezing more than usual, not sleeping during the day. I figured it's because I had dusted so there was dust in the air and that she didn't sleep much during the day since she slept so well the night before. Then, this morning, I woke up to the sad little sound of her waking herself with sneezing and coughing. I fed her and got her to sleep again and she slept another two hours.

I'm trying different things to help, since I know you can't really "cure" a cold; you can only treat symptons. So far, I:
- Brought her in the bathroom while I showered in the guest bathroom so she could have the steam work on her sinuses.
- Bought a humidifier.
- Used one of those "nose suckers."
- Let her sleep in her carrier (which she has been asleep in for almost 2 hours now).
- Rubbed VICKS on her feet.

One thing I have noticed - she might be the only baby I have ever seen that loves getting her nose wiped. Everytime I wipe her nose after she sneezes, she smiles. At least I know she's keeping a good attitude and I'm doing my best to keep a good one with her so she's not miserable. I have had so many smiles from her today.

On an unrelated note, she is cooing and "talking" so much more and holding sounds for a while. She's such a sweetheart.