Monday, April 23, 2012

"Are you lonely?"

That's the question my mom asked me the other day. The answer: I think I am.

Eric's been working insane hours so I only get to see him so much. Last week, I tried to embrace the solo time I was going to have for my afternoon "off" and see a movie on my own. I ended up inviting someone to come with me to the movies and then, the movie I picked wasn't in theaters. I could have gone to another movie but I would have been home later and I missed my husband and daughter.

I had a job before this where I was constantly interacting with people that I had known a while or just met. I could walk into my coworker's office when I was having a frustrating morning with work and we would talk for a few minutes. I was able to connect with a minimum of 10 people every day. Since I have become a stay-at-home mom, I don't have that.

I'm not saying I regret staying home at all; I love staying with my daughter and holding her and playing with her and kissing her beautiful face. I am saying that I miss people.

I became a homebody long before Emily was born. When we lived in Whetstone, the drive was shorter and, if my friends invited me over, I grabbed my keys and purse and said, "See you in 20 minutes!" I could be spontaneous! When we moved to Benson, my travel time doubled and Emily's schedule goes a little crazy. She does fine with a short outing but not if she doesn't have somewhere to nap or nurse. Plus, I can't go 4 hours without pumping and I'm not comfortable doing that out and about.

I think that I'm losing a lot of friends because of living here. No one likes to make the drive out to see us (which I understand - gas is expensive) and bringing Emily with me into town becomes a mission to bring the least amount but bringing all I need. And I have to time it so that I can pump before I leave. That being said, I realize that I'm not really invited anywhere and I think it's because I said "no" one too many times. What I fear is, I'm not invited anymore because no one wants to spend time with me.

I have invited some people out here but it rarely works out. I have only one person in Benson that I could see and I thought to myself earlier last week, I should surprise Amanda and visit her with Emily. Then, I found the construction that's going on in Benson right now, which makes it really sucky. So I need to figure out another way to see her.

In summary - My husband works 60+ hours a week. Most of my friends don't want to drive out to see me (which I am told is because of gas money) (and thank you to the friends that have come). And the person who is my most frequent company is a four-month old who always smiles at me.

You know what? Who cares? I have Emily and she's the person that is always happy to have me. Always. And all I have to do to hang out with her is provide refreshments. :)

1 comment:

  1. Hey...I think we all get a little lonely at times. But in your case, where you hardly see your husband or the rest of your friends, I think that is hard. I'm sorry I don't get out to see you as often as we used to. I completely understand about having to lug a four month old around. LOl. I'm sure that if some other people we know knew how much you miss being invited places to do things or just to hang out, that they would invite you over. You need to let me know the next time you are going to be in town, and I will try to make sure that I will have a couple hours to hang with you. Maybe we could do lunch or something. And you know that if you ever want to txt me you can. And when you are feeling particularly lonely, I'll be available to talk. I love ya and miss ya bunches!!!