And everyone was there...

I had the most incredibly vivid dream last night:

We found out we were pregnant (in the dream). I was very confused because I had taken a pregnancy test just a week ago (in real life). I was pretty far along and Eric and I were talking about it while driving to my parents to tell them. We discussed how Katie and I did not want to be pregnant together again, how there was lots to prepare for, and how to tell my parents.

We arrived at my parents house and told them our news. "I thought you were waiting to get pregnant," my mom said. I told her we were but apparently the baby wasn't. I told Susan as well and she kept telling me she didn't want to give up something but I don't remember what. I don't think we ended up telling many people. I don't even remember telling Melanie.

I was scheduled for a c-section but went into natural labor. I went to the hospital with my mom, Susan, and Kaitlyn (from our church's youth group). They set me up in bed and said my OB would be there soon. I was alone in there for a while (other than my mom, Kaitlyn, and Susan). We tried calling Eric but I soon found out there was no time. I felt the urge to push and there were no nurses or doctors in the room. My mom and Susan had gone for food for me. I called over Kaitlyn and told her she would have to deliver the baby. She was nervous, but I told her what to do. I pushed for a little bit and the baby was out. It was a girl. She was quite purple at first but when Kaitlyn held her close and cleaned her, her color came to her body and she cried beautifully. Kaitlyn took her somewhere to wrap her and I delivered the afterbirth alone. I remembered thinking how proud that Leanne would be that I had a VBAC and didn't need medication.

I finally held her and named her Madelyne. I looked up the name and it comes from the Aramaic name "Magdela," which means "tower." Eric was there soon after. My sister and mom came back, stunned she was already born. We brought her to my parents house to celebrate her birth, instead of the hospital. I saw the Roccos - Michael held her for a moment, but was having an argument with Sammy so he gave her back. Kaitlyn kept coming over to hold her and snuggle her. Pastor Al and Carmen held her and I had a tough time persuading them to return her. Eric finally decided that he wanted to not share anymore and held her the rest of the time.

I talked to my mom and explained that I was unprepared so I thought there was more time. We didn't have a car seat or a bigger car or a place for her to sleep. That's when I woke up,

I don't even remember the last dream that I had that was this vivid.

Embarassed

When you become a mother, there is a whole new world of things that embarrass you. If you are a perfectionist like me, the number is high. Unfortunately, you only learn about these things as you go.

This week, Emily threw her first public tantrum. I don't mind when she throws a tantrum at home -  I can handle it. Even when people are visiting or we are at someone's home (a rarity, lol), I can easily handle and calm her down. But nothing is as mortifying as a tantrum in a public place. It wasn't severe, it wasn't violent, but it was loud.

We were at the public health department for our WIC appointment and, for some reason, they left the door in the lobby open with 3 or 4 toddlers in the waiting room. Maybe I'm the only bad mommy who's daughter tried to run out of the lobby so this is why they leave it.

Either way, she kept trying to run out the door, so I would walk her back and try to occupy her. I brought her favorite snack (Gerbers' garden tomato puffs) so I took them out for her to snack on. She eats a few, tries to make a break for it. I go for her hand to guide her back and she smacks down the snacks everywhere, forcing me to crawl all over the lobby. Then, when I go to bring her back again, she starts jumping and pulling at her arm to break free. Then, she throws her body on the ground and smacks her head on the linoleum (intentionally). Starts yelling, "no. No." Then, we were called back to the office and she kept trying to escape.

Another thing I am embarrassed about this week - my body. I know I'm going to get heat about saying that from my girl friends but you know what? I am not digging my body this week. I know its not the same as a few years ago - I have carried a child and breastfed. I realize that it won't be the same. But I have the delusional desire for it to be.

I was getting ready to go to lunch with a friend on Wednesday and I was checking out clothes I hadn't worn in a while. I even tried on one of my pre-pregnancy shirts. Gorgeous and flowy. But I wasn't comfortable wearing it because of my belly-in-progress.

I know I am working out, but for now, I am covering up what I can. I know that's probably a bad way of thinking of it, but at least I am working on it.

Operation: Happiness

I need to start keeping up with this blog again so I don't have to do an update before every real entry.

UPDATE:
Emily had her 15-month visit and Dr. smith said she was advanced for her age, in terms of language and comprehension and that kind of thing.
We have both been sick and are over it now.
I have begun decorating the apartment.
I have begun working out.
Eric is going to be getting a promotion.

Our first month here went well.We have had friends over (mostly Jonny and Katie or my mom) and had wonderful dinners. Emily is no longer afraid of the tub. I have started decorating.

I am feeling happy today. I mean, I made the decision last week to start working out and I did my third workout this morning. My mom is being super amazing by watching Emily while I work out since I am using her gym. I really want to be in better shape for my next pregnancy and it looks like that might be late winter when we stop preventing it. I don't want us to have another one while we are in our little two-bedroom apartment. It's perfect size for the three of us but it would be a big deal for the four of us.

Man, that was a train of thought, happening right in front of your eyes!
I need something to write about. I need to be motivated to update this blog. When I was pregnant, I constantly wrote about my worrying and experiences because it was all so new to me. Maybe things are too routine. I need more experiences for Emily and I while I'm home!!

 

Our First Trip To The Park

We took an outing to the park today!

At first, Emily just kind of moseyed around, checking out the dirt and grass and trying to feel it. She kept giving me handfuls of dirt. Then, she spotted a 10-month old and her mother. She kept waving and made her way over to them.

Totally friendly, Trina (mom) and Haylie (baby). I chatted with her about the girls and our spouses and friends. We talked about the nursery at my church and I ended up inviting her this Sunday. Her husband was there with their dachshund and Emily took it upon herself to chase the dog, and then take turns sitting in Trina and her husband's laps. She kept squatting down to wave to Haylie.

When Emily started to eat dirt, I decided it was time to go. When I was getting in the car, Trina asked me if I had my car seat installed by the fire department. I said I had before Emily was born. Turns out, she was the woman who installed Emily's car seat! We exchanged numbers and I made my first mommy-friend!!

Then, we went to Walgreens and she somehow lost a shoe which we never found. I guess we have to get new shoes for her!

Speeding by

A lot can change in a month.

WE GOT OUR TAX RETURN!
We filed as soon at we got everything and received a beautiful $5k. With this money, we paid off debt and....

WE MOVED TO SIERRA VISTA!
This move was way more difficult than necessary. First of all, the apartment was not properly cleaned and I am still fighting with the apartment for a credit for that. They were late getting everything repaired. I had to reschedule utilities. To make things worse...

EMILY IS SICK.
She threw up the first time on Saturday and has thrown up 1-2 times a day since then. The worrse one was when she threw up in the car on moving day (Sunday). Today, she has not thrown up but she is on a pretty bland diet right now. I called Dr. Smith's office and the nurse gave me some diet instructions and said, if she is still throwing up by Monday, bring her in.

Overall, though, I am glad we are now in Sierrra Vista because we have already seen Katie and Jonny, my parents, and Susan at our apartment. Even with Emily sick.
 

Frugality

It is not easy to live frugally, even if you need to.

We have been looking at our budget and there is a strain to be able to make ends meet if we want to move back to town. Our options are limited, but it's coming down to either making serious cuts or I need to get a job. Let's put it this way - I definitely want to stay a stay at home mom.

To make the move, we will need a substantial tax return. We need to pay off some bills, have enough for deposit. But even then, we need a budget we can live on. Some things are unflexible, like a rent payment or our car insurance. Other things, like our gas and grocery budget, is changeable. Want to know what I just put in our search box?

"$100 monthly grocery budget."

If I can cut it down to that, I won't have to work. If I can cut it down to that and stick with it, I won't have to work AND we can save money AND we can live in a nice apartment. But is that even possible? I know my couponing queens would give it a shot. I have to ask myself what the top 3 priorities are and they are:

1. Great relationship with God (need to keep tithing)
2. Great relationship with Eric (need to stop fighting)
3. Raise Emily the way we have chosen (affordably and to my standards)

So, how do I tighten the purse strings?

Check out http://www.littlehouseliving.com/ for some ideas on living frugally!



 

Right Where I Want To Be

The last 2 weeks have had significant improvement!

Last night, we had a fabulous night with our friends and kids. I was worried that we wouldn't have enough food, about the kids playing together, about a ton of things. But you know what? Everything was great. There was a surplus of food! I think everyone else had fun. I even woke up to a clean house and clean dishes, since I did them last night.

As for today? Most of you know that we already tackled bedtime with Emily and she goes down for the night with no fuss. Today, I decided to buckle down and begin working on naps. I have delayed it but this is better to do now. I am doing one at a time so it's smoother for Emily. She took about 40 minutes to go to sleep but that's expected for day one. 

AND Emily isn't sick anymore! That's the best part. She hasn't needed medicine for 3 or 4 days and hasn't even coughed in 2 days. For an easier comparison, here's the before and after.