Tuesday, January 3, 2012

I can do this.

Emily had a quite a busy day!

We went into town just after she fed at lunch time so we could get her genetic screening done. She's didn't like the heel prick at all but she was fine after a minute or so because she was really cuddly and went right back to sleep.

I was supposed to have my OBGYN appointment today to check on my incision but my doctor was called in for an emergency C-section right before so that didn't happen.

Then, we went in for the weigh-in at her pediatrician's office. I thought she would FOR SURE be at least close to her birth weight. When they weighted her, she had only gained 3 ounces this week. That totally broke my heart. The nurse left and said she needed to let Dr. Smith (Emily's pediatrician) know. I got her dressed again and I just didn't understand why she had gained so little!

The nurse came back and said that Dr. Smith wants me to feed her with a bottle so they can measure how much she's getting. She explained that she may be getting a lot at one feeding and not a lot in another. She said it wasn't a matter of Emily not being healthy - she just needs to gain the weight back. I asked about nipple confusion because she's only a couple weeks old and the nurse said that "shouldn't" be a problem. I didn't really trust that phrase because my lactation person even said that, for breastfed babies, not to introduce another shape like that earlier than 3-4 weeks and it was so hard to get her to latch in the first place. I ended up getting really choked up with her. It just worries me that with all the problems I had to start with, if I introduce a bottle, then she won't want to breastfeed anymore.

I asked what other options there were and she suggested formula. I told her that I just won't do formula and she went to talk to Dr. Smith. She came back and said to contact this help line for breastfeeding. She said that Dr. Smith wants to see us in a week for another weight check. I decided that I'm calling Annette again because that help line didn't really help me before and Annette understands all of it already. I left her a voicemail.

Eric was really encouraging and reassured me that I'm doing nothing wrong but there has to be something I'm not doing right.

I have been researching online and I know it all comes back to supply and demand. I have a million and one options of what I need to do. My mom thinks that she may be falling asleep during her feedings and not finishing so I've been trying to keep her awake. Also, I know I need to have more protein in my diet.

I know that changing my diet won't change how much breastmilk I produce but it will change the quality. I'm going over to my mom's tomorrow to work on a better food plan so I know I'm eating enough for quality breastmilk.

I'm just not giving up on breastfeeding. I know people say that "some people just can't breastfeed" but even my instructor in my prenatal class said there's no such thing as not being able to breastfeed. I knew this would be hard but it's going to be worth it. There's no better thing for a baby than the most natural food in the world and even if I did pump and bottle feed, I can't pump the same amount as she could take in herself. I'm going to show that doctor's office that I don't need to formula-feed or anything - me and my girl can do this. I know it's a lot to gain a pound in a week but I read that the general weight gain of  the first month is between 4 and 7 ounces a week. She gained 3 so that falls into that first month almost.

I'm not worried - I have my God reminding me not to dwell on the bad things and my little girl who is depending on me. I have to come through for both of them and for me.

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