Embarassed

When you become a mother, there is a whole new world of things that embarrass you. If you are a perfectionist like me, the number is high. Unfortunately, you only learn about these things as you go.

This week, Emily threw her first public tantrum. I don't mind when she throws a tantrum at home -  I can handle it. Even when people are visiting or we are at someone's home (a rarity, lol), I can easily handle and calm her down. But nothing is as mortifying as a tantrum in a public place. It wasn't severe, it wasn't violent, but it was loud.

We were at the public health department for our WIC appointment and, for some reason, they left the door in the lobby open with 3 or 4 toddlers in the waiting room. Maybe I'm the only bad mommy who's daughter tried to run out of the lobby so this is why they leave it.

Either way, she kept trying to run out the door, so I would walk her back and try to occupy her. I brought her favorite snack (Gerbers' garden tomato puffs) so I took them out for her to snack on. She eats a few, tries to make a break for it. I go for her hand to guide her back and she smacks down the snacks everywhere, forcing me to crawl all over the lobby. Then, when I go to bring her back again, she starts jumping and pulling at her arm to break free. Then, she throws her body on the ground and smacks her head on the linoleum (intentionally). Starts yelling, "no. No." Then, we were called back to the office and she kept trying to escape.

Another thing I am embarrassed about this week - my body. I know I'm going to get heat about saying that from my girl friends but you know what? I am not digging my body this week. I know its not the same as a few years ago - I have carried a child and breastfed. I realize that it won't be the same. But I have the delusional desire for it to be.

I was getting ready to go to lunch with a friend on Wednesday and I was checking out clothes I hadn't worn in a while. I even tried on one of my pre-pregnancy shirts. Gorgeous and flowy. But I wasn't comfortable wearing it because of my belly-in-progress.

I know I am working out, but for now, I am covering up what I can. I know that's probably a bad way of thinking of it, but at least I am working on it.