Rough night VS Good month

I had a rough night. Instead of telling you all about my rough night, I would like to focus on the victories that I've had this month instead.

- I started working out again. Yesterday. I bought a dance workout video and I did my first real workout since Emily was born. I know it took a while to get to it but I did it and that's the important part. I really enjoyed it so I know I'll do it again.

- Emily's firsts this month: First tooth, first time getting to a sitting position from laying down, first time pulling herself up to a standing position from sitting, first time turning herself onto her belly while sleeping and not waking up, first time sleeping 8 hours since her tooth started coming in, and first time crawling! She has been very busy this month.

- I made oatmeal cookies yesterday. And they are wonderful.

- We added $400 to savings finally because Eric got his bonus at work :)

- I bought a new purse yesterday.

- I had my first morning off (to myself) in six weeks. Last week.

- I started a new Bible study that I'm trying to stick to daily.

- I got a visit from a friend I haven't seen in over a year.

Overall, even though last night was rough and sleepless, my month has been pretty nice. So I'm going to make sure I don't sweat the small stuff.
 

A Day Of Firsts

Today, I realized how my little girl is growing up. Which I naturally never saw coming since she turned 8 months old yesterday.

She had 3 firsts today - she crawled, pulled herself up and kept herself there, and turned onto her belly while staying asleep.

I know this is weird but I'm the most excited about the last one. She has been waking herself up at night for the last month due to teething and, now that the tooth is in, she's been having a tough time going back to her regular sleep. I always sleep her on her side overnight because she won't sleep flat on her back and I normally put her on her belly for shorter naps (yes, she's a belly sleeper and she prefers it!). When she's been getting up, I've been rocking her back to sleep and letting her sleep on her belly.

I went in to check on her before bed (like always) and she had turned from side to belly without waking. I know that seems small but to me, she's soothing herself like I would at night and that's huge to me.

I may not get to sleep through the night tonight but I am glad my little girl is achieving so much and that's the most important thing.

Decisions, decisions....

Has it really been two weeks since I last blogged? Whoa.

I've been feeling the pressure from everyone (even Eric) to return to youth ministry since the day Emily was born and I've made a decision. I guess it's less of a decision and more of an answer to a question that I needed to ask myself. I've been delaying going back for a while and for some reason, the decision to go back didn't really feel right in my spirit. I posed a question to myself and in prayer: What is best for my family and myself?

I realize now that I haven't really ever answered that question in regards to going back. I didn' feel like I was ready and I didn't really know why. At first, I thought it was guilt about Emily but it's really not. I (finally) was praying about it the last few days and I came to a realization:

I need to grow.

I've been in that youth group as a student or a leader for the last 7 years. I haven't been to an adult Wednesday night service ever. Also, with Emily, I can't make the kind of time commitment to these students like I did before. I'm not saying I never will be able to, but my two priorities need to come first - my relationship with God and my family.

I am not going back to youth ministry right now. Until God directs me differently, my Wednesday nights will be either spent with my daughter at home or at an adult Wednesday night service. I want to be an example of a godly woman for my daughter, not the hypocrites she will forever see in the media. I know it will be good for me to go on Wednesday nights to adult services and if I can't, I have a Bible study I just began pursuing. Also, it will be good for Emily to spend time with the other babies for an hour during service.

If I am pleasing God and taking care of my family, that's all I need right now.

On Call

I think the phrase "on call" accurately describes being a parent. I've realized this much more lately.

Emily had a fever, off and on, for two days last week. For two nights, she barely slept. One of the nights, I think there was a 4-hour span that I just kept getting her back to sleep, putting her in her crib, going back to my room, and laying in my bed while I waited for her to get up again. I only know I slept because I had a dream. The second night, I caved and just brought her in our room. She finished the night with only an hour in her crib, the rest on or next to me.

Today, I think she has a cold. She is asleep now and the humidifier is in her room because she's been coughing a little this afternoon. On the upside, I haven't needed the nose sucker thing because it runs every time she sneezes.

Wait, I got off track.

Babies don't care if you think its break time. They can't help it - they are helpless in many ways (even if they are independant in others).

I was reflecting a bit on my relationship with God today and have been thinking about him as I text out this blog. He has plenty on His plate already, I bet. But whenever I need Him, he comes. I need to realize that even though I'm also independant in many ways, I still need Him.

I'm glad to be on-call with Emily and I think I understand an inkling of why God probably is too: When she's sick or lonely or just needs me, she holds me so tight like she will never let go. And even when she does, I know she will end up needing me again. Isn't that the best overtime you can think of?

Emily, I promise to always be on-call. Whether you are 3 or 63.

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My 100th Post (with some BIG news)

I was going to have another title but, when I logged in to start a post, I was informed that I have written 99 posts. Boy, do I have a way to celebrate! And I couldn't be happier to write this entry.
Emily said her first word. :)

Before I begin, I've been encouraging her a lot with this word all week. Tonight, I was buckling her in her carseat after leaving Wal-Mart and she has been making noises a lot. Then, she slowly says, "Mmmmmmmm-mom." My eyes popped out. My jaw dropped. Hers did too. (She copies me a lot, something I will need to always keep in mind.)

I immediately called Eric and my parents. On our drive to see Eric at work, she said it again!! I thought to myself, Now I know it wasn't just a fluke. We visited Eric and she wouldn't say a word. As we got back to the neighborhood, she sat in her carseat and said, "Momma, momma, momma."

I have never had a warmer heart than tonight.

Indirect Encouragement

LI get discouraged a lot as a stay-at-home mom. Most of my friends with kids work and have 2 or more other activities they are committed to. They are at ease when someone else watches their child. They are a whole different breed than me. What sucks is, these are people I am friends with and so I am asked, "Why aren't you..." a lot. Even my husband does this and I understand why everyone does: they always do this or that so the fact that I'm not is strange.

It took me (I think) 6 weeks before I was back at church. I wasn't sleeping well and Emily had no schedule yet and I didn't really have a handle on this whole "get out the door and go" thing, but I really got grief from my husband and others for not going to church. I haven't been at youth group as a leader since before she was born. I explain why its rough (Emily's schedule vs. Falling asleep on the 40-minute drive and keeping me up as weird hours) but I'm trying to get situated to go back next month. I took a month to take her to the store. I'm sure there's more.

I know I'm probably an over cautious momma, but I kep wishing for people to tell me its okay to take things slow. Its okay to take 8 months to return to youth after being involved over 5 years because I was getting used to being a mommy. Its okay to keep a routine. Its okay to keep her home if she's sick. Its okay that I'm not ready to put her in the nursery.

(For the record, my mom is very good at encouraging me. She doesn't always agree, but she encourages me)

Lately, I'm comforted in more ways than one in my friend's blog. Her blog is reassuring as a mommy, insightful as a Christian, and helpful as a wife. I don't know if she'll read this but thank you for writing your blog.

I am seeking God in a different way than I was before. My perspective has become so much more grateful and humble than before. If I glorify and seek Him, this mommy-ing and wife-ing will flow more easily. I need to show my daughter the example of what Godly living is. Right now, that's love. That's all she understands.

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The Pampered

Tonight, I took the time to pamper myself. Romance myself. Indulge myself.

I had a bubble bath. A cozy, bubbly, candlelit bubble bath. I read a book. I closed my eyes, listening to Emily's lullaby CD over the monitor. And all this pampering was ruined by the fact I can't just do nothing. So I started thinking.

If I have time to pamper my body, I should start taking care of my body.

I need to get in shape. I would say "back in shape" but let's face it: I've never really been "in shape." I don't wanna be skinny or even slender. I want to fit below a certain jean size. Yes, that is one of my several selfish reasons. I want to look good. I want to feel good. I want to wear clothing that has no more than one X on it. My one non-selfish reason is because I want to be at a better weight for my next pregnancy so I don't have as many risks. Since we hope to have our kids close in age, I need to start now.

I have two days left of pumping (I'm on one a day now) and I will be giving myself one week of indulgence. It won't be the end of ever snacking or treating again, but it will definitely be less junk.

Right now, Emily's diet is so much more diverse than mine. She had sweet potatoes, peas, zucchini, bananas and more. And all that I just listed are homemade. She has maybe one or two things that are store bought (but that's because I either can't make that or its a gift from my mom) which is great because I save some money while I try out new things. What do I eat? I'm pretty sure I have one vegetable a day. She eats at least 3 different ones a day!

Starting a week from Sunday, I want to start working out and eating smarter. I am going to start at 3 workout-days a week and go from there. Going to be eating more veggies and less processed food.

Goal? By Christmas, I would like to have gone down 2 jean sizes. I think I can.

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