Expectations

For my whole life, I have wanted to be a mom. I don't remember an age where I didn't want to be a mom. I think I saw my mom and I wanted to be like her. She was always so playful and fun with us when we were kids and even when I was mad because I was punished, she never waivered in love for us. I always knew that I wanted to be a mom like her.

I don't know what I actually expected when I became a mom. As I got older, I thought understood the reality - sleepless, loud, frustrating nights with many diapers. What actually happened - she's sleeping through the night, cries less than an hour a day, the nights are easy (now) and... well, she does have a lot of diapers. I expected she wouldn't smile until 3 months old and that she wouldn't do anything but sleep eat and poop until she learned to crawl. What actually happened - she has the most beautiful smile I've ever seen that is just full of joy and she loves to just bounce around and "talk" to me and anyone who will listen.

I still wanted to be a mom with those expectations.

I didn't expect to have issues breastfeeding. I didn't expect her to have such a sad cry when she got her shots. I didn't expect that she would pee on me a few times. I didn't expect to be in the hospital for a week with her from her weight. But I still want to be a mom.

I know why I love this so much - it's because I never expected in a million years that I would love her this much. I didn't expect that, as she falls asleep, I would want to kiss her and hold her so close.

I know she will not be this small forever and it won't last; everyone keeps telling me that. Can I ask a favor?

Stop telling me that. It's the only expectation that I know will happen.

Busy and Rested

It's been a busy week for my little two-month old!

On Wednesday, she had her 2-month Well Baby check-up which went great! She is now 11lbs, 2oz. I had a bunch of questions about continuing weight gain and sleeping. The doctor said that we are no longer concerned about her gaining and to just let her sleep however long she wants and she will get up when hungry :) That being said, she slept around 7-8 hours the last three nights! However, she did have her shots this month and I saw my poor baby's first tears :(

On Thursday, we went to the hospital to visit the newest member of my friend Christina's household :) Emily had to stay outside of the OB unit, but she got some face time with her buddy Vivienne :) Afterward, she went with us to visit my parents' new house.

On Friday, my sister Susan came for the day. I was really glad she came by - it's the first time in a VERY long time that we spent the day together. Emily was giving up smiles to her left and right. Plus, Susan made a Build-A-Bear dog for her in a gorgeous princess outfit AND bought her a necklace with wording on the pendant. I can't get over how much Susan loves Emily - she has learned something new about taking care of Emily every time and she is great with talking to her and she is so gentle with her. :) Anyway, we had tacos for dinner and watched a movie together too!

Then, on Saturday, we relaxed the whole day. We didn't go anywhere, do anything, visit anyone. It was great :)

Church was Sunday and she did well. We got a visit from Ashley and Andrew which was really nice, considering I hadn't seen either of them in about two months!

Emily has been doing AMAZING for the last few nights - she has slept thru the night since Thursday night for 8 hours. She woke up for about half an hour on Saturday night/Sunday morning to eat but went right back to sleep. That being said, I'm doing great!

I don't feel overwhelmed right now. I'm almost done cleaning the house already, I was able to actually play a game on my Wii, AND I feel relaxed :) Life is good.

The Motherhood

When Eric and I were engaged, I theorized (and was proven right) that being married is a club. When you get married (or even just engaged), all your married friends seem to want to hang out more and setup dates and have evenings together and you slowly migrate towards your married friends and away from single friends.

I think the same is true of becoming a parent, but modified. More specifically, becoming a mom. When you become a mom, your priorities typically change. All of your mommy-friends want to setup playdates with their kids and I haven't met a mommy-friend that doesn't love holding a new baby. Like the Married Club, you lean towards your parent-friends because they get it. They understand that you can't stay out late because your little one needs to sleep. They don't care if you need to breastfeed in the middle of the living room. They empathize when you excuse yourself to your closet to find a shirt you didn't leak through (sorry if that's graphic lol). And most moms are going to read that last statement and think of at least one time that's happened. They understand the sacrifices you make, no matter how small.

I've found myself putting Emily before me in so many more ways than I anticipated. Today,

"Those who mind don't matter and those who matter, don't mind."

I've been reminding myself of that for my parenting lately. I'm blessed in the way that most people have been super supportive of my choices with Emily. I'm hoping that's because of my "good instincts," as my mom phrases it and not because people think I'm crazy. I mean, it's possible but unlikely.

This week, I was able to bring her to church and the grocery store where she stayed awake for both. At church, I wanted to keep her with me. I don't see the point in bringing her to the nursery if she is quiet and not fussy during service. I knew her feeding was coming at noon so I went to the nursery then to feed her and, since she fell asleep in my arms, I stayed. Plus, it was very nice to have time to chat with Pat. Either way, I don't see it as a problem to keep her with me. I know how to keep her calm during service and it's good for her to be in there.

At the grocery store, she was a little fussy for a minute or two in the middle but then she fell asleep. This elderly woman saw her in the store and she told me that my daughter was precious and said she could pass for the Gerber baby. We chatted for a bit and she said to take in every second because if I don't, I'll miss it.

Trust me - I love every waking and sleeping moment with Emily and I'm still stunned how much I love her.

Experience is the best teacher

I love learning new things about Emily every day.

She's such an amazing girl and smart and strong! I know that everyone says their baby is the cutest and best of everything and I am no different :) She is learning to strengthen her neck, but I know she's still a little time from fully holding it up. She follows some objects when you hold them in front of her. And when I wake her up in the morning? I've never seen a prettier smile.

I feel like I've learned and noticed a lot in the last couple of months or so about her and I would like to share.

- The more she's smiled at, the more she smiles.
- She can stay up as many hours as she has just slept before getting fussy.
- She loves her stroller and her bouncer but she's still not sure about the swing.
- She can have about one to two short outings a day without it messing with her sleep schedule. Otherwise, she will stay up for a while and become over-tired. However, if she gets the right naps around these outings, it doesn't change.
- When she sneezes, she keeps her mouth open after.
- Once she gets a glimpse of red flowers, she can stay focused for a long time on those flowers.
- She's starting to like her baths.
- She loves having her hair combed or brushed.
- Even if she goes into her car seat upset, she is calm on any drive once I'm going 65mph.
- If I'm feeding her and I have to take a break to burp her, she has a "princess fit."
- She doesn't typically cry more than a combined hour over the course of the day.
- She likes to "talk" to inanimate objects in the room, but prefers objects that have eyes.

I know I've learned more but those are a few things. Gotta go - my gorgeous girl awaits!



Week 7 and Updates

Emily turns seven weeks old tomorrow. I feel like the weeks have flown by fast but I know they didn't when I was in them.

I didn't expect to have a handle on things yet. I anticipated many more sleepless nights than I had and I guess I had those for the first few weeks. But right now, it's just before 11pm, and she's in bed. She will probably be asleep for a while. I try to give her a break from being woken so often during the day when she goes to sleep at night.

She had her very first trip to church on Sunday. Everyone kept saying how "precious" and "beautiful" she is. All I could reply was "I happen to agree." I was particularly excited to see Kadin, my friend Christina's son. I showed him the "baby that came from my belly" and he told my that my belly was shorter. I'll take it! :) Either way, she slept the whole time and I felt so good being back. However, I could barely take my eyes off of Emily so I need to learn to trust that she will be fine if I'm not staring at her.

I finally took my long-awaited bubble bath on Saturday night. It was divine.

My 6-week postpartum checkup went well. I went over my options as far as not getting pregnant right away and I think we made a decision. Other than that, I can't wait to play on my Wii finally.

(In case I forgot to mention it, Eric got me a Wii for Christmas!)

I don't know how I'm able to just relax right now with all this stuff with Emily. I mean, on those first few days, I thought her crying would never end! Now, I only hear her cry when I take her away from food so I can burp her or when she wakes to eat in the middle of the night. She's so good!

I gotta get ready for bed but I just wanted to keep every posted. I have a pediatrician appointment on Thursday so we will see the progress at that point!

Changes

Many things have transpired since my last entry.

First, let me address the weight issue with Emily - I had several more weight checks and she lost weight over 3 more weight checks. By the 19th, she was 8lbs 6oz, the lowest she had been since birth at 4 weeks old. I had a pediatrician appointment and, long story short, he said we needed to admit Emily to Tucson Medical Center so we could figure out what the issue was. We went up that night and spent a week at TMC. I don't really feel like reliving that week and I also don't really want to hear everyone telling me what I should do or what I should've done. The important thing is, her weight was up almost a whole pound by the time we left and she is healthier now. She had to take some medication for an infection and she'll be done with it on Friday night.

Right now, she has to eat pretty frequently but I'm thinking that she is back to birth weight by now, if not more. I'm letting her determine how long her sleep is for a nap or two at night. I'm able to have her fed, changed, burped, and back to sleep in about an hour and a half now, which I'm very proud of . Eric's still learning but that's okay, because he has to work. This week has been great though because he was off almost all week because of his schedule change overlapping. I feel like I have a much better handle on Emily now.

She smiles all the time. She met all of her 1-month milestones like she was supposed to by the time we were admitted to TMC. She's so easy now. I'm learning her cries, her schedule... I am glad I'm keeping this blog because I read my entry from almost a month ago before I wrote this and I see where I'm at now. I think it's encouraging to me to see how much better things have gotten.

My parents have helped me so much in the last month. When I was up at TMC, they booked a hotel and stayed for over half the days I was in there. My mom has been helping me make food on Sundays so I don't have to spend so much time on cooking. The thing is, she's also trying to get her house ready to move (thankfully, not far!) and I know it's been inconvenient for her to do all these things for me, so it means the world. My relationship with my mom has gotten so much closer since Emily was born and I think it's because I have let her in. And I think the reason I let her in like this is because I feel like she's the only one that truly gets what I'm going through, because she is going through it with me. Plus, now I understand why she is so willing to give up anything for us; I would do the same for Emily in a heartbeat.

As for me, personally? I feel great. I know that, since I'm getting a handle on everything, it's about time to mess it up and add "real life" back to the agenda. I just wish that it could stay like it is - totally revolving around Emily and her peaceful little self, thanking God every morning that I am blessed with this perfect little girl and her daddy (even if her daddy is still learning).